What a rollercoaster of decisions and emotions 2020 has been!  What a rollercoaster of decisions and emotions this new school year has been!  What a rollercoaster of decisions and emotions it has been in general lately... PERIOD. 

But I’m here to share some light and positivity and awesomeness about our Bella girl, who I’m pretty sure was born with a heart of gold!!!  I can almost see it.  Shining from here to every corner of the world. ☀

On July 28th, Bella’s 18th birthday, we celebrated with my now traditional pancakes and bacon and fruit kind of birthday breakfast.  I decorated the kitchen with signs and steamers and balloons like I’ve done it since the day they were born.  I take out my “fancy” china, silverware and pretty juice glasses, because birthdays only come once a year and I love celebrating that special day.

For everyone’s birthday, I always tell the birthday person they can choose what how they want to be spend their special day and be celebrated, what they want to have for supper and even what cake they’d like to have. I make sure I honor their wishes.

Here is what Bella chose for her 18th birthday this year: 

• My homemade breakfast (which was a given and almost mandatory! )

• A visit to a sunflower patch.

• A visit to a goat farm, which I later found out was closed that specific day, and when I shared that I had found another goat farm we could visit she quickly asked “do they charge? How much?” When I told her (which was quite pricey but I insisted we could still go because it was HER birthday, she quickly said “no mom, we don’t have to do that today, we can go to the other goat farm a different day, it’s silly to pay that much, I’m already having a lot of fun at the sunflower farm!” Really, kid? I had to share that, she amazes me. We took a raincheck and visited it the goat farm last week.

• Her dinner request: homemade burgers with the works and mama delivered! 

• She also requested a special Harry Potter cake from her sister, which she made her and it was amazing if you ask me, but also, I don’t understand Harry Potter at all haha, so I have to trust the “joke” behind the cake.

A few friends surprised her with cupcakes and Harry Potter theme gifts and beautiful cards and we had a beautiful day celebrating the gift of her life. 

A few short days after her birthday and well into planning an out of state move to College, her school changed so much of the schedule and way of doing things due to Covid guidelines that she started rethinking her plans. 

One evening after work, she sat down next to me and said “hey mom, can I talk to you?!” I never have a good feeling when my kids start a conversation like that! 

She shared with me her feelings about doing online school work and how she didn’t see the need of going away if she would’ve have the full college experience with all the limitations that the safety guidelines were bringing.  After much thought about it, she decided she’d stay home instead and attend a community college for a year, get all the credits she needed and then transfer her sophomore year (next school year) to the University of her dreams.  All I wanted to know if it was something SHE wanted to do, all smiles on, she said “yes!” 

It’s been over three weeks since Bella started College, online classes, and she’s making the best of it! She has managed to balance school work, projects, family time and self care like a champ, and I couldn’t be prouder of her. 

Bella welcomes EVERY morning with the most enthusiastic and loving “Hi mom, hi dad!” greeting, huge smiles on her face, and a hug and a kiss!

Bella’s nature is to radiate sunshine.  She was born with a kind heart. 

Bella truly cares about the happiness and wellbeing of those around her.  She loves deeply and sincerely and wears her heart on her sleeve.  

A long time family friend who visited me at the hospital when Bella was born says that the day she came to meet Bella at the hospital, I was glowing!!! She said “Bella had just been born, and you looked like nothing had happened. You looked radiant and so happy, I couldn’t believe you could look so good and happy shortly after giving birth!” I was!  It was a glorious day.

Bella has brought joy into our lives from the moment she entered this world. My pregnancy with Bella was a breeze.  No morning sickness (hardly, or any), I felt so pretty every day.  I was so much more relaxed and at peace this time around about becoming a mother for the second time, I felt like all of my uncertainties and nervousness about the “what if’s and why’s and where’s” of parenting, had been smoothed out in a way after experiencing motherhood for over 4 years by then.  I felt like I could do this thing so much easier.

Although, I did have some aches in my heart and questions about the ability of loving a second child with the same intensity as I loved my first, of course, I did. That was an easy thing to do. It’s amazing what our motherly love and hearts are capable of.

When Bella was born she would sleep and sleep and sleep.  She’d wake up, eat, “play” a little, and then go back to sleep.  I thought “wow, really, this easy?! I thought having a second child would be so hard!” 

Well, on her fourth month birthday is like someone had flipped a switch and this child of mine showed up in a big way! She still slept through the night but she was loud and so energetic all the time. 

Her toddler years were oh so much fun!  Bella would get into EVERYTHING!!! She was vivacious in every sense of the word.  If I got distracted for a split second, I’d find her in the pantry breaking into bags of chips or cookies or anything she could put her hands on.  One time I turned around and she had climbed to the kitchen table, gotten a hold of some bananas and was smashing them with the biggest delight, loving the smooshing feeling in her hands. Every time I “discovered” her, she’d give me the BIGGEST grin like saying “oops, you caught me! It’s fun mom!!!” 

When Bella started preschool she was so excited to meet new kids and make new friends! Bella was always SO fashionable! She loved wearing purses and necklaces and matching from head to toe.  Her hair always had to be perfectly styled! 

Every time when her little preschool class would be dismissed at the end of the school day, she RAN to me filled with excitement, and with the biggest smile and a loud voice she’d say “can you please make me a ham and cheese sandwich when we get home???” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  I remember one day a mom from her preschool class approached me and said “wow, you must make the best ham and cheese sandwiches, she seems to love them!” Haha, apparently I did, but I remember those sandwiches were the simplest ham and cheese sandwiches and they were always the same.  Bread, American cheese, Krakus ham, mayo, and a side of apples and chips.  She had that lunch, every single time she had preschool. It was our ritual, but it was a lovely ritual.

After preschool came kindergarten and the world of elementary school where we, parents, can’t really protect our children from everything. She quickly learned that some kids were not as kind and accepting as she was, but she always stayed happy and kind and true to herself.  The world of parenting can be a challenging one sometimes, but Bella has taught me a lot of amazing lessons about acceptance and the meaning of friendship. 

Bella has evolved, grown and matured into an amazing young lady and I could never be prouder of who she is as a human being.  I really couldn’t.

Bella has learned a lot of important lessons about life and herself in the last few years and her ability to discern about the things most important to her, amaze me.

My vivacious, loud and ham and cheese lover has evolved into the kindest and most loving human being this world could’ve gifted us with, and I am so immensely proud and honored of being called “Bella’s mom!” ️

Dear Bella,

Thank you for showing me that life is sweet and gentle if we treat others with kindness.

Thank you for every hug and every “I love you, mom!” you share every day.

Thank you for teaching me that we can find grace in the midst of uncertainty and heartache.

Your grace, honesty and love for all those around you, humbles me and grounds me.

There is not a day that goes by when I don’t find myself smiling at the gift of your life in mine and thanking my lucky stars for trusting your life in mine. 

I know life is not exactly what you had imagined it to be right now, but I am proud of you for all the decisions you’ve made, for trusting your heart and most importantly, for having the best attitude about it. You inspire me. Life is constantly moving and evolving and this too shall pass.

I am already smiling at the road ahead, for a girl like you, for a girl with your heart and your incredible ability to love, will one day harvest what you’ve always planted… LOVE.  

A cute, and stylish little girl, has grown into a strong, mature and grace giving human.  What a gift you have given us with your witness of kindness and love.

May the road ahead bring you joy, success, opportunities and everlasting blessings. 

I will always love you more! ️

Mom 💕