Thursday, September 30, 2021

Here we are, closing another chapter of 2021, and beginning a brand new one. ❤️

September was an important, and life changing (in a way), month for our family.  It was a month of growth, learning about ourselves, and each other, a month of learning to be patient and most importantly, to trust.  September also brought plenty of opportunities for practicing our faith in a deeper way, and for welcoming change and embracing the experiences we’ve been presented with this year. 

I have found a lot of JOY in talking to my sweet mom daily, just about everything and nothing, hearing her voice is a calming balm for my soul. 

Joy in focusing my energy on my family, and the relationships that nurture me and make me whole as a human being. 

Joy in seeking moments that make me smile, and laugh a little.

I have always been a people’s pleaser, and this year, particularly this month, I have found myself not following that pattern, instead, I’ve purposely chosen to focus on love, and only the things and moments that make me grow as a person, and give me really “feel good” feelings.  It’s been a game changer.  

Time has taken on a whole new meaning this year.  Time has shown me that I must focus on joy filled moments, the people I love most, the things that make me happy, the ordinary of life that make me go, “awwwww this is amazing!”, the extraordinary of life that is worth working towards, and the challenges that make me grow as a person in every way.

In the book “The Last Lecture”, by author Randy Pausch, he refers to his precious time on earth as this… 

“The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have.”

Yes, time is all we have, and if we dedicate our time to the right things, oh, what a sweet journey that can be. ❤️

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Today is National Coffee day, yum!!! Coffee is one of my very favorite things.  I’ve had three cups today, and I enjoyed each of them as the first cup of the day. 

It’s been the week of dinners and breakfasts with friends, and I needed this more than any other time before. 

I just got home from having dinner with two awesome, sweet friends from church, and this morning I was invited to breakfast to celebrate the birthday of another church friend, I feel so blessed to know all these people that came into my life through work.

I just got off the phone with my mom and she was sharing some news about a dear friend, my mom was concerned.  She said “why do certain people have to suffer so much in life?”  Her question made me sad and brought tears to my eyes.  My mom is the most faithful, hopeful and loving human being, and even her was questioning that. 

A hard question. 

On a separate note, I’ve been using my essential oils infuser for the past few days and oh my goodness, I couldn’t love it more!!! It relaxes me so much, I love it! I look forward to bedtime even more now! 🥰

“The questions are always more important than the answers.” ~Randy Pausch 

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Another day gone by, work, life, and everything else in between, but something I’m very grateful for today is, an unexpected dinner with a dear friend who lifted my spirits.

We sat and talked for four hours straight and we could’ve stayed longer if it hadn’t been for the fact that the restaurant was closing, AND we were getting tired! 😁

I’m sitting in the quiet of my kitchen right now, drinking a cup of hot cocoa, I can hear Bella upstairs talking to a friend on the phone, Stan and Michelle are quiet, probably sleeping. 

I’m enjoying this moment of solitude before I go to sleep.  Tomorrow is another long day.  Good night! ❤️

Monday, September 27, 2021

I’ve attended two funerals in the past four days, and I didn’t even consider the emotional effect they would have on me.

The first funeral was on Friday, and Saturday I spent most of the day in bed.  This morning was the second funeral, and I just walked in from work and I feel completely drained, both physically and emotionally.  It’s like a light switch was turned on, and all of a sudden I understood the why’s of my emotions.

Every funeral, Scripture reading, every song sang by the choir, every words of remembrance, and caskets I see in front of the alter are piercings to my soul.  I can’t help it but to think about my many losses this year, all the people I’ve lost this year.  Their faces show up before me with every song, every reading, every funeral procession.

Grief sucks, I don’t have to put it lightly.  Grief hurts, and it hurts a LOT.  It depletes you of all energy while still trying to understand the why’s, the how’s, the could’ve, should’ve, would’ve’s of life.  None of that works, but I know eventually love and faith will win.  I’m not there yet.  I’m still hurting, I’m still aching, and longing for what could’ve been. 

On the other hand, every time I witness and participate in a funeral Mass, I’m reminded of how incredibly beautiful my faith is, the religion I was born into, and nurtured during my entire life.  The promise of eternal life, and the real meaning of life on earth.  In that hour of liturgy, life all of a sudden takes on a special meaning, and the things I worry about become insignificant.  All seems bearable then.  Quite an irony isn’t it? Something that reminds me of my grief in such powerful way, also brings me tremendous understanding for life, joy, and hope for the future. 

Time for some R&R, maybe I’ll have a cup of tea, put my essence oils infuser on, and count my blessings. ❤️

Sunday, September 26, 2021

A day or work, play and visiting with friends when they stopped by the house to pick up pears.

I finally got the hand brace for my thumb, and I hope it works because my thumb has been hurting a lot lately. 

This coming week is going to be busy week, but I’m ready for it with all the good energy possible.  I had a tough day yesterday feeling a lot of sadness, and grief, but today was a better day thankfully.  I guess that’s what grief is all about. 

Thankful for days filled with joy like today. ❤️

Saturday, September 25, 2021

Today was a wash for me, my migraine was really bad all day and I decided to nurse it by resting. I feel a little better but not quite, and it’s been 12 hours since I woke up this morning, not that I’m counting. 😅

I’ve seen a lot of posts lately with toxic positivity messages, and in all honesty, they disturb me a little, ESPECIALLY this year after experiencing the unimaginable losses, and grief in my life.  We are humans being capable of experiencing, joy, pain, sadness, all kinds of different emotions, and there is no possible way we can live under the belief of having to put a positive spin into every negative or unfortunate scenario in our lives.  No way!

I am no expert, or no professional in the matter, and I’m only speaking from personal experience, and although being positive, and/or always working towards positivity is amazing and boosting, I truly believe that we need to leave some space in our lives to feel pain, and experience grief, and to allow the sadness we feel in oír lives to heal us, and help us grow.

I’d be doing myself a huge disservice if every time I had felt sad, or down, or felt anguish about what I went through  this year I went, “never mind, delete those feelings, put on a happy face, smile ALL the time… move on.” Not happening, I’m fully embracing all that has been, and all that it is, that’s life.

I have always been a JOY seeker, and I will continue to look at the bright side of things, but I have also learned this year that embracing my feelings and emotions as they come, makes me more genuine, and in touch with the world around me. 

This is a stage in my life, a season of grief, and growth, life will transition as life does all the time no matter what, and I will continue to look and focus on moments of joy, and especially, opportunities for self acceptance, and self love.

May we always be kind to others, especially to ourselves.  When we are kind to ourselves, we can love the world around us a little better. ❤️

Friday, September 24, 2021

Long, long day, with many projects and running around, but the day ended with a trip to the movies after work with Michelle.

We saw “The Eyes of Tammy Faye”.  I knew nothing about Tammy Faye before the movie, I never even heard her name before to be honest, but I love watching true stories, and since this was the only true story at the movies tonight, well, that was my choice. 😁

I couldn’t believe the lies in which her and her husband built their empire, but I have to say, I quickly warmed up to her, and I felt bad for the life she ended up having. She seemed like a good person, but the husband was definitely not my favorite.  Jessica Chastain was simply amazing portraying Tammy Faye, I’m sure she’ll be nominated for many awards in her role as TF.

Good night, sweet dreams, looking forward to a laid back weekend ahead. 

Thursday, September 23, 2021

It has been a day of cleaning, catching up at home, and Fall decorating.  🍁

I cleaned the two big glass front doors, floors, picked up the house, and did some decorating for the season.  My assented oil diffuser is on, I just saw down for a minute to read a lovely card a friend sent me, and relax a little.  It’s quiet, the air is cool, and the geese are making happy sounds… loving it all.

Last night I came home from running many errands with Michelle, and by the time we walked in, I was physically and mentally spent, I just wanted to rest and breathe a little.  There was a package for me, but I wanted to savor it well, so I decided to leave the surprise until this morning when I was well rested, and not in a rush.  I’m glad I did. 

A long time and dear friend sent me a lovely card in the mail to remind me that she’s always thinking of me, and that I’m never alone in my grief journey.  She’s suffered unexpected losses of dear family members too, she knows the pain all too well. 

With the card there was a gift, a beautiful, wonderful gift, with so much meaning.  The story of proyecto elephants, a story of love and loyalty. 

“In the wild, female elephants are known as fierce protectors.  And when one of their sisters is suffering, they circle up around her.  They close in tight, watch guard, and even kick dust around her to mask her vulnerable scent from predators. And yet, we are the same. This is who we are, and who we are meant fo be from each other.  Sometimes we’re the ones in the middle.  Sometimes we’re the ones kicking up the dust with fierce, fierce love.  But the circle remains.” 

I’m blessed with a few elephants in my circle.  I don’t know how I would’ve survived (and continue to do so) these past year.  We need people in our lives that have our back, that will protect us, and are willing to fight for our wellbeing.

I’m thankful for my friend that reached out with a lovely and unexpected message, a precious gift that I will treasure forever, and a reminder that I am never alone, and that she’s in my circle.  Blessed I am. ❤️

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Welcome Fall!!! 🍁

I LOVE Fall, I think it’s my favorite time of the year, especially when the leaves start to change colors and the air is cooler.  More opportunities for yummy soups, and coffee!  🥰

I’m off today (yay!!!) and already enjoying a relaxing morning at home, coffee in hand, feet up, and a cozy cardigan on. 

I’m having breakfast with a friend, and then going to some doctors appointments with Michelle. It’s a day of doctors and follow ups.  

I just had a sweet conversation with my youngest this morning, a tough conversation, and a soul moving conversation.  As she quoted, “our family has gone through the unimaginable this year… it’s been a hard year.” It sure has been, but we will get through it, with our love, the support of family and friends, and our faith and the joy that never leaves us. 

Grief is not just about the loss of a human life, the loss of a loved one.  Grief is the aftermath of loosing someone, coping with so many ni familiar feelings, and emotions, learning to do life as “normal” as possible again. Grief is about change, about projects that get stuck because life circumstances change.  Grief is about learning to make sense of all the loss that comes with losing a loved one, not getting the job, not moving away, not going away to college, health challenges, health diagnosis, figuring out finances in the midst of it all, remaining joyful, hopeful, faithful, grief is HARD, but grief is also bonding, and challenges us to learn and grow, maybe not in the way we had visualize it, but at the end, it teaches us meaningful and important lessons.

On most days I go about my day as my own joyful self, hoping, PRAYING that all the humans that live under my roof, and the the two humans that live under another roof 2,000 miles away are whole, and happy, but I know deep in my heart, they are suffering their own silent struggles.  It’s hard to know the truth of their struggles, but it brings me joy to know that THEY know they can count on me, lean on me, and reach out when they need to, and how they chose to do that. 

Sometimes, when we are in the midst of heavy grief, we might feel as if we will forever be in that space, that we will never be whole again, but I don’t think that’s the case, I hope not, I have big faith in that. 

Eventually a larger world will present itself, with more possibilities, new opportunities, our outlook on life will forever be expanded, and the lessons of grief we have learned and gone through will be the ones carrying lovingly through life.  Each of those who left before us, will also be carrying us through it all, lovingly whispering, you are loved, you’ve done it, all will be well. ❤️

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

It rained all night, it’s a cool morning only 60 degrees, and I’m sitting in MJ regular spot in the front porch, coffee in hand with a cozy cardigan on, and a blanket over my lap… ahhhh, all the feels!!! 🥰

I’m looking at a rose bush that is standing right in front of me and the rain drops on the roses look like crystals, so, so pretty!  The picture below doesn’t do it any justice, it’s pretty magical.

Next to the rose busy is a lavender tree, and next to the lavender tree, a green pepper plant.  On the other side of the rose bush, another beautiful peach rose bush, and around a display of bonsai trees.  Stan is the magic behind all of it, he has the most amazing green thumb, gardening makes him happy, so happy and I love that.

Speaking of happy.  I was watching tv last night in the living room, and I could hear Stan and Michelle talking in the kitchen while she washed dishes, and Stan fixed Daisy dinner.  It was the sweetest conversation about… life in general, but what I loved the most about it, is the love and care in which they talked to each other, and the depth of their conversation.  Stan was born to be a caretaker, a healer, and the most caring human.  Michelle is one of the best conversationalist, and empathetic person, and whenever Stan and Michelle have a conversation, I almost always want to be nearby to feel the energy they create.  Pure love.

Our Bella girl has been super busy with school and work, she is a busy bee lately, and always manages to wake up with a “good morning, mom!” “Love you, mom!” “How was your day?!” “You want to hear what happened at work today?!” “I have soooo much homework!!!” And then decided to stay up until midnight making cookies from scratch, haha! 

I said to her the other night, “Bella, just go to sleep, it’s almost midnight!” “It’s ok mom, this is how I relax!” Like mother, like daughter, only she bakes, I cook! My mom was always the baker at home, I think baking made her happy too, but she hasn’t baked for a while now. 

Life this year has been the most challenging time for our family.  It has tested us in every possible way, but when I look at the big picture of what our family is made of, I smile, no matter what.  We have two amazing daughters, Stan and I continue to somehow laugh through it all, and hold each other up no matter what, and I think in a weird, and exceptional way, this rollercoaster of 2021, is guiding us to a better us, a more “centered in life” us, and showing us the BIG picture of what living joyfully and embracing life fully looks like.

In all the ups and downs, twists and turns, joys, disappointments, tears, and laughter, THIS is us! ❤️

Monday, September 20, 2021

Sitting on the porch drinking a cup of coffee, my first cup of coffee on the porch in a while, and I’m loving it.  It’s 77 degrees right now, there is a wonderful breeze, and I have nothing to do, no where to go the rest of the day.  It’s only 6:02 pm right now, and since life has been so busy lately, this feels very relaxing. 

I’ve been reflecting on the event we had at church on Saturday, and all the wonderful memories we made that day.  My heart feels SO happy about how everything turned out.  From day one, this event was pure joy!!! Every phone call, every planning meeting with the committee, all the errands, and organization kept falling into place.  

The night before the event the committee and a group of awesome volunteers spent many hours getting things ready for the big day the next day. By the time we left the church that evening, things were starting to shape up and we could see it all come together.  

The next morning, it was GO time!!! Volunteers started arriving to help with tables and chairs set up, flower arranging, and balloon decorating.  Then, we left for a brief moment to get ready for the big even. I ended up staying at the office, and Stan brought me my hair straightener, brush, make up bag, etc… there was not enough time for any back and forth, it was the best decision!

By early afternoon the entire church was completely decked out for the occasion, and by early evening the Priests that were taking part of the panel started arriving for their portraits.  

It was dinner time for them, and an opportunity to visit with each other, and before we knew it, the caterer was arriving, the photographer and videographer were pulling up, and the guests were making their way to the church… EXCITING time!!!

The social part of the event was so much fun, and the weather couldn’t have been better! The panel discussion with the seven priests, which was moderated by my talented friend, Kathy, was AMAZING!!!  So many great stories, so many good laughs, so much inspiration shared, and great food for thought as well. 

This November it will be my 25th year working at CHS, and I as looked around the space of the church that has given me so many memories, and has welcomed me, and nurtured me for so many years, I couldn’t help it but to feel so incredibly grateful to be a witness of such fantastic and memorable evening. 

So blessed with so many amazing friends at CHS, and an incredibly vibrant community of faith!!!

Thankful, oh SO thankful for the many people that worked so hard to make this event a huge success! ❤️

Sunday, September 19, 2021

Today was a day of rest for me, very well needed rest, and I was grateful for that time.  Sometimes we need to completely pause, and let our bodies heal in every way. 

I’m still smiling from yesterday’s event at work, it’s a wonderful thing when all the stars align in life and things work out even better than you had imagined.  

And speaking of yesterday, Stan was so amazing in every way, dropping things off at work for me that I needed because I couldn’t leave all day, carrying things inside the house when I got home tired from a long day, and then giving me a foot massage so I could rest and relax a little before going to sleep.  So, so grateful for him!

Well, it’s almost midnight again 😅, and I better go to sleep so I can get up ready to tackle another day. 

Feeling a special kind of joy tonight, good night! ❤️

Saturday, September 18, 2021

A long day, a GREAT day!!!

My feet are, oh my goodness, so, so tired like never before, but my heart is full from the many blessings of today.

I’ve been on my feet for officially 17 hrs now, and I think it’s time to call it a day! Good night, I’ll share some about today’s event… tomorrow! 🥰

Friday, September 17, 2021

Oh what a day!!! It’s exactly 11:11 pm and im just sitting down to relax a little before I go to sleep, with some ice cream of course!  😋

My day started very early, and it was go, go, go ALL day long, but so much was accomplished and it feels good! 

We have a big event at work tomorrow, and we’ve had a long to do list, but everything is falling into place in the best way possible.  A long time ago I made a special picture frame with the girls pictures, and I pasted some cute letters that spell out, “love is in the details”, and I can’t help it but to think of that phrase when I think of the event tomorrow.  There has been a lot of love, and dedication put into it, and we are so excited to make some awesome memories tomorrow.

Today was also a day of doctors appointments at our house.  Check ups, check ups, check ups… this too shall pass, it’s been a year let me tell ‘ya! BUT, we have each other, we are making it through, and more importantly, we LOVE each other, and support each other unconditionally, and that’s what counts. 

In the middle of a super hectic day, I got a flat tire and instead of going into panic mode (thank you God for simple mercies!), I calmly reached out to a friend who immediately came to my rescue, which allowed me to continue on with the day. Best friends make the world go round and round.

Well, I guess I’ll go to sleep so I can rest a little before the big day tomorrow!!! 😍

Good night, and buenas noches también! Be kind, be joyful! ❤️

Thursday, September 16, 2021

What a great day today has been!!! My heart is full, and so is my stomach from all the delicious food we had for dinner not too long ago! 😁

Today is Mexico’s Independence Day, and to celebrate I made homemade Mexican food, and it was SO delicious!!! It was so good that Stan even said, “this is the BEST food I’ve ever eaten!” Ok, I think he might’ve exaggerated a little, or maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t cooked much lately because I’ve been so busy haha, or maybe, he did like it that much, I mean, food was delicious for sure! 

I made my grandma’s ground beef tacos -although a little different because I didn’t cook the tortillas in oil-  I also made shrimp, and plant based beef that the girls wanted. Homemade pico de gallo salsa that was, omg SOOOO good!!! Pickled onions, guacamole, refried beans, and all the garnishes.  I’ve always plated meals, but tonight, I put everything on the table buffet style, and it was a big success! 

When I was roasting, dicing, and cooking all the meats, Michelle came to the kitchen and said, “this is a labor of love”, awww I think she was right!

I worked all day, I had a LOT of projects, and important things to do, and figure out for a big event we have at work this weekend, but cooking brings me joy, and today was a special day, so I wanted to make it extra special by cooking a homemade Mexican dinner, and creating memories with my family… mission accomplished! 

We weren’t supposed to have a full house right now, in fact, we were supposed to be empty nesters, but life changed a little (or a lot) this past year, and right now the Inn is fuller than full, but I’m soaking in all this unexpected moments with the whole family.

When we were having dinner Michelle asked me what my favorite thing about being Mexican was, I had never thought about it that way, I just enjoyed being Mexican haha - but she insisted, and it made me think.  I think my biggest pride about being Mexican is that our culture is very hospitable, and warm.  There are many other things I love about my culture, but I think those two would have to be my top two. 

Bella is making homemade cinnamon rolls for dessert (yes, dessert at 10 pm 😁), and Stan just sat down next to me and said, “that was the best food I’ve ever eaten, it was so delicious!” 

A wonderful day, a family day, a blessed day! 

It’s almost 10:30 pm and my mom just called, I answered and she said, “I wanted to hear your voice and talk to you for a few minutes.” ❤️

Indeed, a great day!!! My heart is full! 

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

I had a meeting after work tonight and on my way back home, out of nowhere and unexpectedly I was overwhelmed with many emotions, and I felt my brother’s absence so raw all over again. 

I miss him in the ordinary of life, and it hurts to see the world “move on” without him in it. I know moving on is a part of life, I’m not being pessimistic either, but simply realistic… at least for me, for my present life, and my present struggles.  

I walked in at home and it was clearly that I had cried in the car, although I had (I thought) wiped all my tears, and I was ready to pretend nothing was going on, I didn’t want to upset anyone.

Michelle was chatting with Stan in the kitchen and as soon as she saw me, she said, “what’s wrong?” I said, “oh nothing…” (which was obviously not true), then she extended her arms to me motioning a hug and said, “general melancholia?!” She smiled, hugged me tightly, and said “I love you very much!” 

Michelle is one of the most empathetic people I’ve known in my life, it’s like she senses when someone is having a bad day, or feeling a little blue.  Perhaps is because she can relate to that, maybe because she has walked the walk.  She gives the best hugs, advice, and overall, she lets you know without saying much, or asking for much in return, that your feelings count.

There is a saying by an anonymous author that goes like this, “the only way to get through it, it’s to go through it.” 

There is so much truth to that, the only way to get through something, it’s by going through it. Tonight I’m especially thankful for my big kid that opened up her arms to me (literally), and showed me the way through the pain, and sadness I was feeling.

I’m better now, I have recovered, and I’m enjoying a freshly brewed cup of coffee, and Daisy is sitting by me.  Sometimes, we just need a good cry, or a moment of solitude to fully embrace the journey we are in. ❤️

Tuesday, September 14, 2021

I don’t have a whole lot to share today, other than it’s Tuesday, and I have a lot of projects to work on, work wise, and house wise! 😉 I’m hoping to be FILLED with good energy soon, so I can tacked them all.

I remember when my kids were younger, I had SO much energy, allll the time!!! I was unstoppable, I could do a million things at the same time, I was creative in every way, loved being in the kitchen, taking them out on fun outings, planning their outfits, doing school work, etc, etc, etc… looking back, I don’t even know how I did half of that on most days.  I was also almost always dealing with some type of chronic pain, whether it was migraines, or endo pain, but I was still super active, and involved.  Now, I have to make sure I take my vitamins to do 1/4 of the stuff I plan in my head, ha! 

There are so many factors to slowing down, so many, but I think the most important thing is to embrace every stage in our lives with grace, to not put so much pressure on ourselves to “perform”, and most importantly to honor and dignify our bodies, and minds during the process. 

This year has definitely been a year of growth of me in so many ways, and life has forced me to slow down, to take the back seat, and to not feel like I have to always move on to the next thing in my to do list, and to simply BE. 

Being.  A simple word that carries so much meaning. 

We live in a world FILLED with so much information, we are constantly being told by so many “expects”, what we should feel, how we should tackle projects, what we are capable of, what our fears, wants, and hopes look like, sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Life is so much simpler than that, and although some of that free given information shared on media platforms might be helpful at times, the wisdom that comes from listening to our own hearts outweighs it all.

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” Maya Angelou ❤️

And to that I’ll add… success is LOVING and ACCEPTING yourself in every way.

Monday, September 13, 2021

It’s been a long day, lots of everything going on today, but I’m relaxing now with a glass of iced water nonetheless, and a little bit of Netflix, but I know I’ll be going to sleep soon because I’m tired. 

I’m looking forward to a little extra time on the porch with my coffee tomorrow morning, I can already taste it.  Maybe I’ll share about my relationship with faith and religion throughout this year’s season of grief.

On this hectic, and sort of an upside down kind of day, I’d reflect on a few things that made me feel grateful for today, sometimes when life gets a little more complicated, gratefulness tastes even sweeter. 

1. A phone conversation with my mom, and her sharing of all the people she’s praying for right now. I said to her, “wow, that’s a lot of praying!” (When she told me all the praying she does during the day), then she said, “there is a lot to pray for, a lot of special intentions, sick people, and the deceased too. God bless her, she’s amazing!

2. My morning cup of coffee, a little rushed, but very tasty.

3. Making dinner for Stan and I. I love cooking, cooking relaxes me.

4. Sitting down for dinner with Stan, and him telling me how wonderful and delicious everything was!

5. Watching Stan and Michelle go out for a walk with Daisy after dinner. I love the bond between Stan and the girls, he’s just so great!

Thankful, grateful, blessed.  A busy day with many blessings in between. ❤️

Sunday, September 12, 2021

“It’s a beautiful day and I can’t stop myself from smiling…” 🎶

I’ve been awake since 5:30 am, I couldn’t stay asleep, that doesn’t happen often to me, or almost ever, I had too much on my head last night before I went to seep… bad idea. 

I woke up at 5:30 pm and after a bathroom break, my body was “nope, you are not going to go to sleep, it’s not going to work this time.” So, being the good listener that I am 😉, I stayed in bed for a little while longer, then decided to get on the shower, and get ready for church/work, make myself a cup of coffee and sit on the back patio by myself.  Inhaling peace, and exhaling love, one sip of coffee at a time.  The sun was just peeking, and it was glorious!!!

Today’s coffee mug photo doesn’t make the sun any justice. 

Last night I came home after a day of work and some play, with many thoughts on my mind.  Things that happened during the day, situations I observed, conversations I was part of, and things that left me wondering the why’s of people’s actions and behaviors sometimes. But that’s life, right?

I came home and Stan was in the kitchen.  I started sharing with him about the day, and my experiences and he listened, he shared his take on things, and his care and concerned.  I was tired, it had been a long day and my migraine wasn’t helping so I decided to go upstairs and get ready for bed.

Stan came upstairs approximately an hour later, and the moment he walked in our bedroom, he made a comment about the conversation we had downstairs, he reassured me, lifted me up with his words, and affirmed me in every way. 

He might’ve stayed downstairs in the kitchen while I walked upstairs to get ready to go to bed, but his heart was still with me, every second of the time. 

Life isn’t perfect (well, we know that!), marriage life itself has its own ups and downs, but Stan is the best life partner I could've ever wished for, and prayed for.  Thankful for having someone who loves me and supports me in all moments of our journey together. 

BLESSED I am! ❤️

Saturday, September 11, 2021

A somber day remembering the tragic events of this day 20 years ago. 

Last night Stan and I watched two back to back 20/20 specials about 9/11, and today, we watched a Dateline special “No Greater Love: The Story of Flight 93” with Lester Holt.

Listening to the many stories from family members of those who died during the attacks on September 11, 2001 is painful and so humbling.

Thousands of people went to bed the night before looking forward to a new tomorrow the following day, but didn’t get a chance to continue making their life story.

Today, I pray for the many lives lost, for the heroes who sacrificed their own lives helping others, for the surviving family members of the 9/11 victims, and for peace in our country and the world. ❤

Friday, September 10, 2021

When you are broken, fix yourself with gold! 💛

I was talking to a couple of friends this morning about being “broken”, or incomplete, imperfect.  Aren’t we all?! 

It all started like this.  My friend was trying to pull apart two pieces of pottery stuck together and she was having a hard time doing that.  I said, “let me try it!” To which she responded, “how? You have a sprained thumb!” 

I applied all my force on all other fingers and it worked like magic!!! I separated the pottery pieces, and my friend exclaimed right away, “wow, you were able to accomplished that with your sprained thumb, and me being whole… couldn’t!” 

Another friend’s husband who has been a clinical Psychologist for years overheard the conversation and said, “wait a minute, wait a minute… have you heard about Kintsugi? A Japanese art that fixes broken pieces with gold?!”  You are not broken, you are whole!

I had heard about Kintsugi, and read about it somewhere a long time ago, but the way he explained it sent goosebumps down my spine, and made me really reflect on it at a different level.

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold, built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art by doing that.  How beautiful is that???  But what he explained about community involvement in that art, is what gave me the goosebumps. 

Brokenness means beauty! The more I thought about it, the more meaning it had.  We’ve all been broken at some point, some at grander scales, but brokenness feels like heavy, stormy waves to each person no matter what they are going through.  Personal hardship is loss and brokenness. 

My friend went on to explain how in the Japanese culture when a precious piece of pottery brakes, the whole community comes together and contributes an x amount of money to buy the gold that the pot would need in order to be put back together.  That is love, that is compassion, that’s community!!! And also, that’s family, and true care and concern for our brothers and sisters in need.

The broken pieces, the scars that form from being broken, when they are restored with love and compassion, become even more beautiful, resilient and unique.  Imperfection creates beauty.  

I can certainly relate to this, I think a lot of us do.  I have been broken, I have many scars that have formed throughout the years, especially this year, but my family, and my community of friends have been the gold helping me piece myself together all over again, and I am better because of it.

Maybe I could’ve done without the “gold” in my life this year, but since being broken was not my choice, I’m glad I’ve had people willing to lend me some of their gold to piece me back together. 💛

Thursday, September 9, 2021

It’s 68 degrees right now and I’m sitting in a very sunny corner of our front porch.  I brought a sweater outside just in case since it’s a cool morning, but the sun is so strong and wonderful, that I don’t need it. 🥰

My heart felt a little heavier this morning, and honestly I didn’t even know why I was feeling that way, until I looked at my calendar on the phone and realized it was the 9th.  My brother JR died on the 9th, 7 years ago.  It’s like my body and my mind know… inadvertently, my heart feels all the feelings from his absence as if it were yesterday.  Not sure how long this will last, I’m not rushing myself, not putting a deadline on my grief, instead, I’m letting myself feel it all, embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly, and to make space for time to do its job.  Grief can’t be rushed, it has no agenda, and it’s SO private, and so unique, almost as every cell in our body. 

Yes, unique. So unique.

My mother and my middle brother Will also suffered great losses this year.  Sometimes I think about their own unique way of grieving, I know they are grieving, they must be grieving, only, in their own way.  Even though we lost the same people in our lives, we all had incredibly different relationships with my dad and my brother JR.  We all have a different connection and relationship with faith, with the way we look at life and the world, and different ways of dealing with the “hard” of life.

There is no recipe for “getting over” something.  Actually, there is no “getting over”, something.  Getting over something (to me) means, not caring or giving it importance.  I would never say to anyone “oh, get over it!” What do I know about the way people feel life, pain, and hardship? Absolutely NOTHING!!! 

Supporting someone who is grieving means, being patient with them, being there for them no matter what, giving space to FEEL, not questioning, offering a helping hand, asking “how are you doing?”, letting them know they are not alone, and that things will be ok because they have our love. 

This year has been the toughest year for us, in so many ways (and I know this will come as a surprise 😉),but I’ve only shared a smidget of it.  2021 has been a tough season of grief, so much has happened, we’ve gone and continue to go through so much, that it makes me realize even more how grateful I am for my own gratefulness, and the ability to focus on the good, and the many other blessings in our lives.  Normalcy will find its course again eventually, for now, we must be open to learn all the lessons, grow from them, and appreciate even more, all that we have, and all that we are. 

As I was sitting down to eat breakfast this morning, I happened to look up at the wall where my pretty, and bright sign that says “when life gets sour, sweeten it with gratitude”, hangs.  It definitely put a smile on my face.

Gratitude is a blessing, and I’m thankful for it.  Wishing you a joy filled day, and lots, and lots of kindness along the way. ☀️🌿

“Kindness begins with the understanding that we all struggle.” ~Charles F. Glassman 

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

This morning I had a lot I wanted to share and write about, all kinds of stuff, ha! Now, after a long day, all I want to do is relax and go to sleep, so I think that’s what I’ll do. 

I have another long day ahead of me tomorrow… looking forward to a smoothie in the morning to get me energized, and a fresh cup of coffee.  Ahhh, I’m already enjoying that. 

Some things I was particularly grateful for today:

• A Spanish song I listened to in the morning while I got ready for work. That song always makes me think and reflect.

• A phone call with my mom, she’s always SO enthusiastic about life.

• Dinner and the sweetest watermelon.

• Time to watch a movie on Netflix.

• Open windows to let the fresh air in.

It’s 9:15 pm now, better go to sleep and get some rest before my busy day tomorrow. ✨

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

A long, long day, especially because I had a bad migraine all day and I pushed through it at work, but I made it and that’s what counts!!! 💪🏻

Even though the migraine pain was bad today, and I had to take prescription meds around the clock which make me feel really sick (side effects are AWFUL!), I still felt extremely thankful, and was quite aware of the fact that my migraines have been very sporadic, and this is huge news, especially when I used to have a migraine 6 days out of the week, literally.  

Barometric pressure is like poison for my body, and today was a bad day for that with the rain and so many changes in weather.  I never take a day when I feel really good physically for granted, never!

I was able to get a lot of work done today, figure out some important things, made some good decisions, and completed a full day of work quite successfully despite my pain… definitely, very grateful.

Five things I’m grateful for today:

1. Breakfast on the deck on a cool morning.

2. A phone call with my mom who is always SOOOO happy to hear my voice!

3. My job.

4. Conversations with my daughters about life in general.

5. A comfy bed to rest my body after a long, and trying day of pain.

The ceiling fan is on at full speed in our bedroom (LOVE that!), our bed has fresh and clean bed sheets, and even though that might not sound like a lot, I consider them big blessings, simple things that make me very happy. 

Ready for a good night’s sleep, some rest, and a fresh new start tomorrow. ❤️

Monday, September 6, 2021

Vacation is over, and it’s back to reality tomorrow, which I don’t mind because I love my job, but it was SO nice being away for a few days and doing just the things I wanted to do and made me happy! ❤️

Stan and I got back from Door County at midnight this morning, it was a long drive home, and a last minute decision to get back earlier, but I’m glad we did it that way because it gave us a chance to regroup, do laundry, relax a little, and get the house and things in order to start the work week tomorrow. 

Today was certainly a VERY relaxing day! I slept in, did some house chores, lots of laundry, took a nap, and then went out to dinner and ice cream with a friend.  We walked everywhere which was nice, because we ate way too much, plus it was a gorgeous evening.

Beyond grateful for the opportunity to do and enjoy the things I love, for moments of healing along the way, for the huge blessing that Stan is in my life, for my girls who always make me proud of being their mom, for friendship, and all the wonderful people God puts on our way every day. 

These past few days have given me a lot of opportunities for reflection, appreciation, and new hope and trust in the future.  This year has been the biggest year of growth in my entire life, every day I’ve learned something new, and I’m determined to continue to embrace the journey I’m in. 

Ending the day with a very grateful heart, recognizing every single one of my many blessings!

“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us - and He has given us everything.” Thomas Merton 💙

Sunday, September 5, 2021

It’s almost midnight and we just got walked in from our mini getaway.  It was a WONDERFUL day, we did so much, ate a lot of great dishes, loved every minute of the day, but we are tired now, so off to bed we go! 

Coffee was great this morning, and this was cup #1 of 3 cups I had today, oops! 😅

Saturday, September 4, 2021

Walking up to another beautiful day in Door County feels really good in my heart. I love this place!!! ❤️

Shower ✔️

Breakfast ✔️

Smiles and good vibes for the day ✔️

It’s so different traveling, and exploring new places as “mature” 😉 adults, meaning, without little children, or even teenage children in tow.  I LOVED those years, still do when it happens, but traveling with younger children always meant focusing on what they wanted to do, what was best for them, and always of course, family oriented activities.  I do miss those days sometimes, but now, as Stan and I start to grow together into our older years of life, I’m starting to really love and appreciate our alone time, our trips together, as simple as they are sometimes.  

Stan and I like most of the same things, and we are both super easy going when it comes to vacationing and exploring, we don’t usually have a super tight agenda, or agenda at all, we wake up, enjoy our mornings having coffee or tea, and some good food, and then plan the day as we go.  

We are not thrill seekers by any means, give us a beach, a lake, a pretty path, good food, good coffee, and delicious desserts, and it’s vacation time for both!!! Awww, I love Stan the man, he makes me happy, and makes me laugh so much! ❤️

Looking forward to another day in pretty Door County, Wisconsin.  We are not really sure what the day will bring, but I’m sure it will include good food, a lake of sorts, pretty sights, and some relaxing. 

Enjoy the day, be joyful, be KIND! 🍒

PS: Got so carried away this morning, that I forgot to take a picture of my coffee. 😅 Here it is my coffee from yesterday, and the restaurant with goats on the roof, wow!

Friday, September 3, 2021

A wonderful day with Stan in Door County.  We’ve had SO much fun today, and ate all the foods from fish boils, to cherry pie, ice cream, and Swedish pancakes, yum!!!

I could write a LOT about the day right now, or little, but since I’m really tired and it’s past 10 pm, I think I’ll keep it short, and do a Door County summary when I get back home. 🥰

Soaking up all these moments with Stan, it’s so great to get away once in a while and just focus on each other.

I just ate half of a slice of cherry pie because I couldn’t help it, it’s SO good, and when I offered Stan a piece he said, “no, it’s too late for that right now, tomorrow…” my face: 🙄😳🧐🤪

Since when does cherry pie knows the time of the day, ha! Well, more for me! 😃🍒

Good night, let’s see what adventures this pretty place has awaiting for us tomorrow. 

Thursday, September 2, 2021

Sitting at a pretty recreation park near my home, it’s quiet, there is nobody here, I thrive on moments like this one, moments of solitude, and coffee or course. 

I’m on vacation this week, and even though I didn’t have any big plans to go anywhere, I’ve been making a point to take solo day trips almost every day, and it’s been wonderful!!! On Tuesday my daughters (23 and 19) came along, as we were celebrating my youngest brother’s birthday who passed away in February of this year.  It was a healing way to remember him, doing all the things he loved on his earthly journey. 

Today, I don’t have super big plans, but I have exciting plans (for me).  I’m meeting a friend for lunch, then getting a manicure, and POSSIBLY going downtown for a few hours.  I love the city, if I could I’d move there for a year at least. 😅

On our way to Rockford on Tuesday, driving in and out of hilly and farming areas, Michelle, Bella and I started talking about our ideal places to live.  Michelle LOVES cities, but she also finds peace in quiet places.  Bella is 100% NOT a city kind of girl, big cities actually make her anxious, she prefers quiet, serenity, smaller groups of people, or not groups at all, haha, and for me personally, I think I’m more like Michelle in the way of living lifestyle department.

I love big cities, the hustle and bustle, exploring, interacting with people, having random conversations with people I meet on my city adventures, and learning about new places.  However, I also LOVE, love, quiet, serene, peaceful, contemplative places, like the one I’m in right now.  My ideal living/housing situation would most likely look like this IF I could afford it! 😉

Half a year in a city apartment, right in the hustle and bustle of the city, where my building door would lead to a main and super cool street filled with coffee shops and yummy restaurants. 😍

The other half of the year would look like this… a cute and cozy small cottage house either in a farming area with goats, and chickens, a lake nearby, a front porch with comfy rocking chairs and plenty of space to walk around in green friends, OR a small beach house (waterfront of course), where I could wake up listening to the sounds of the waves, go for walks on the beach, coffee in hand, and eat my lunch sitting on blanket in front of the beach… ahhhh, actually I think I prefer this, the waterfront beach house:) or maybe all three, wouldn’t that be wonderful?!

This is what’s awesome about having a good imagination, ha! In just a few minutes, I transported myself to my three favorite places to live.  Maybe if I wish for it hard enough, I can make it happen one day! Stay tuned! 😉🥰

Sipping my last few drops of coffee left in my cup, and going home to get ready for my lunch date which I’m already savoring. All of it… the company, the conversation, the food!!! ❤️

Have a great day, make the best of it!

Where would your ideal living space be?  What brings you the most joy? 

Wednesday, September 1, 2021

Welcome September!!! ❤️

Starting a new month with a brand new mindset, determined to make the best of each day.  Not that I don’t do my best every day, but I will commit myself to doing so.  I miss the old me a little, but I also love the new me a lot better.  The new that has grown in many ways this year.  Bigger perspectives, more understanding at the big picture of life, and a lot more focus on self care, and self love.  If I take care of me, I can give the best of me to those I love. ❤️

And speaking of those I love.  My mother simply amazes me every day, she’s so incredible in so many ways!!!

I remember growing up and thinking my mother was special.  Special in many ways.  One thing I admired the most about her was her class, her perfect manners, and poise.  I remember her going to school meetings for my brothers and I, and always thinking she was the classiest, smartest, and prettiest in the room, I was so proud of being her daughter.  Still am of course.  

Through the years what I continue to admire about my mother is her outlook on life, her resilience when facing difficult situations, and her FAITH, oh my goodness, my mother’s faith is the most admirable of faiths, maybe that’s why she has such an impecable way of looking at life.

My mom’s strength doesn’t come from having an easy life, at the contrary, she has layers, and layers of lessons, of hardship, and obstacles, but she has ALWAYS found a way to focus on the good, and positive of life despite of what life is throwing her way. 

Growing up I remember my mom making ordinary days special.  She cooked the most amazing meals with the little that she had sometimes, she never, ever gossiped, or criticized anyone… to this day, I’ve never heard an ill word for anyone from her mouth, it’s just not her style, never has been.  I admire that deeply.  She always had the most amazing ability to make life beautiful for us, even on days when I knew life or people weren’t fair to her.  She brushed things off, wiped her tears, held her head high, put a little lipstick on, her best outfit on, and moved on.  Ugh, she’s always been so amazing!!! I admire her deeply, and I’m so extremely grateful to have been entrusted in her care.  Mom lotto! ❤️

No “big” agenda for September, other than to continue to live in full awareness of what surrounds me, to embrace every moment, and to stay rooted in faith, hope, and the love I receive from so many. 

May the next 30 days of this brand new chapter of life be days of growth, peace, and kindness. 🍁