Choose Kindness
“Be kind to the wishers, who haven’t got wishes. Be kind to the fishers, who haven’t got fishes. Be kind to the beginners, who haven’t got ends. Be kind to the strangers, who haven’t got friends. Be kind to the walkers, who haven’t a shoe. Be kind to the talkers, who haven’t a clue. Be kind to the outsiders, and insiders too. Be kind to the kind, kept confined in the zoo. Be kind in your mind, and in all that you do and you’ll find that mankind can be kind to you too!” ~Dallas Clayton
A few weeks ago I was watching a video of a motivational speaker I have learned to love. In her presentation, Rachel Hollis spoke about her school experience with the “popular” kids and she said something that really caught my attention. She said “Popularity is geographical. You might be popular in one place, but you leave and go somewhere else, and nobody knows who you are.” That really struck a chord with me and took me back immediately to a situation and a conversation I had with my youngest daughter two years ago around this time of the year.
That particular Friday I walked in from work in the evening and Bella was sitting at the kitchen table very quiet and reflective. She was also texting back and forth with her big sister who happens to be her lifeline for advice. I knew something was “up”, since she wasn’t acting her normal happy self. I asked her a few questions but she wasn't ready to talk, so I gave her some space. Right before dinner she opened up and between sobs she told me about a situation that was going on at school and how some kids were treating certain kids with meanness because they thought they were superior over them in every aspect. This particular situation didn’t affect Bella directly, and she wasn’t the person being targeted, but some of her long time friends and newer friends were, and she said it hurt too much witnessing that behavior and she had to say something to make it stop. Of course the moment she brought up the behavior to this particular friend, she got the cold shoulder treatment afterwards and she couldn't understand why her friend would treat her like that after being honest and presenting the situation in a kind and helpful way for the benefit of everyone.
One of the many things Bella said when she was sharing her story was "why can't we just accept people for who they are? Why do some people have a sense of feeling superior? Why can't we be respectful of others and treat everyone nice?" Words would fail me if I tried to express how PROUD I felt that moment as a mom. We talked some more, my oldest daughter talked to her some more and she offered great advice and insight from her own perspective as a student.
That conversation reminded me of something I had written in my diary a few months before that I will now share because it fits the story.
Maria’s Diary
Early Fall of 2017
Bella started a conversation with "Mom, I need to tell you a story but I 'might' have to use that word you don't like."
One word I really don't let the girls use at home is... popular. Unless they are referring to a song.
The other day the girls stepped into that unpleasant subject I have always been so protective of since they were little. "The popular kids."
Whenever they use it, I immediately stop them and urge them to (not change the subject, I have an inquisitive mind and I want to know what's going on in their world outside of my house) but, rephrase their words. As I observed how they were developing the story, I couldn't help myself but to put on my Dr. Phil cape after they were done talking and shared my own opinion on the matter.
Fortunately, I have never been too impressed with superficial stuff, it just doesn't catch my eye, so I am able to put a different light and perspective into things. Do my kids always hear what they want to hear from me? Probably not, most likely not, but they do anyways, because that's my job as a mom. I am here to parent them, not to be their best friend.
I always say to them in a joking kind of way "Who is popular? You are popular, I am popular, dad is popular, the neighbor next door is popular, we are ALL popular!" If they haven’t heard from me, MY definition of popular at least a few times in their growing up years, they haven't heard it at all.
Let's become 'popular' by the way we treat others, by our acts of kindness, by the way we make others feel when we are around them, by the positive footprints we are leaving on this earth... then, I want to hear the word 'popular' A LOT!
One of our greatest and most important responsibilities as parents is to nurture gentleness, to lead by example by the way we treat others and to teach our children to choose kindness every time they interact with their peers. We don't have to be everyone's best friend, but we should always treat everyone with respect. Once said and done, words and actions can't be taken back. One single act of kindness can be worth more than a million words.
Choose kindness. ❤
