October Pages ❤️
Saturday, October 31, 2020
BOO!!! 👻
It’s Halloween and of course I’m reminiscing about Halloween’s from the past with my daughters.
They’ve been anything and everything from ballerinas, to bumble bees, tinker bell, Pocahontas, Cinderella, Ariel, Hanna Montana, Minnie Mouse, M & M’s, Harry Potter and the list goes on and on and on. 18 years in the making of seriously thinking about costumes, which makes for 36 costumes all together, actually 39 counting the baby ones of Michelle prior to Bella’s birth and every year has been a blast!!!
I think their toddler, preschool Halloween days were my favorite. I loved celebrating and it still felt very mine. Our babies were our babies (well, toddlers 😉), and after a simple celebration at their preschool, we would spend the day at home doing Halloween things, carving pumpkins, watching Halloween movies, making treats and maybe going trick or treating around the block.
Elementary school years were fun too, especially the lower grade levels. I was a room mom in charge of organizing parties and special occasions for their classes from 1st grade till 6th grade for both of my girls and I absolutely loved every moment of it! It gave me a little extra glimpse into their school world.
I remember many of those years where I’d have to juggle work and crafting projects and putting costumes together and planing trick or treating, it was exhausting but it was great fun! Most of those years I would take a day off from work, or at least half a day off, I always wanted to make sure that my girls had all of me for their special day, they both LOVED Halloween and being a mom during those times was a special treat (literally 😊). The sparkle in their faces from being dressed up and having fun with their friends was my favorite part.
Once Junior High and High School came along, it was more of a “what are you doing for Halloween? What are you dressing up as?” kind of involvement, but I still made sure that we did some Halloween fun at home as a family. Ok, why am I crying now??? Ay, ay, ay, I’m such a softy!
Proceed Maria...
Although I didn’t really grow up celebrating Halloween, I would make an effort every year and sort of dress up for their school Halloween parties, my costume every single time, some type of cat! 😂 I’d put on car ears (I did change them from time to time, I wasn’t THAT boring after all, lol), and paint whiskers on my face, some sort of black outfit and a tail, and that was Maria’s costume. Oh, the year before our oldest was born, I worked at a preschool and I went way “out of my way” to dress up and picked some clown costume, it was cute, but now I’m thinking, really?! What was I thinking?! I think the kids loved it though and I had great fun dressing up!
Although my favorite years of being a mom around Halloween time might be gone, it doesn’t mean we don’t get to still have some fun!
Today, I’m making one of my family’s favorite breakfast, huevos rancheros, we are carving pumpkins and roasting pumpkin seeds and then I’m making my signature Mexican hotdogs (wait till you see them later, HUGE yum!!!), and watching some sort of Halloween movie. I’d prefer “It’s a Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”, to be honest. I like my Halloween as soon as the candy the kids get on trick or treat days, nothing too spooky.
Half the house is still sleeping, my house smells exquisite from all the flavors of the roasted peppers and yummy veggies cooking for breakfast and I’m fully enjoying my cup of coffee with a slice of toasted artisan bread we purchased at the farmers market yesterday.
Thankful for the memories, and so blessed with the love that surrounds me daily. ❤️
ENJOY TODAY! 🎃
Friday, October 30, 2020
After an unfortunate event yesterday (will share more about in the next few days), I had an amazing day today and my heart is smiling... I’m almost positive! 😉
My daughters and i visited the farmers market early this morning since it was their last day of the season!!! Even though I LOVE visiting the farmers market, this year has been so busy that I simply couldn’t squeeze any time to make it there, but today we made it happened and we had a blast!!! I bought way too many things including amazing and exotic produce, artisan breads, homemade dill pickles, sweets from two lovely nuns that make sweet treats and cakes and donate their profits to a soup kitchen in the city, and we also had breakfast at the farmers market, and oh my goodness, what a great treat that way!!!
I had TACOS and they were AMAZING!!! I had a carnitas taco and a chorizo with eggs taco, and a fanta on the side! 😋
The girls had some fancy shmancy food from an organic and vegetarian stand, and it looked delicious too, but I’m almost positive they didn’t taste as good as my tacos, because nothing tastes as good as tacos, haha!
Because there is no outdoor eating areas at the farmers market now during covid, the girls and I drove to Dunkin’ Donuts and got pumpkin lattes (yum, were they delicious?!) and then ate our food in the car while we talked and made fun of each other, basically! 😂
Believe it or not, after all that food, I was able to meet my friend from church at the pumpkin farm for a late lunch. We have a annual tradition of visiting the farm every October and today was the day and we had a blast!!! It’s always a good time when we are together! We definitely enjoy each other’s company and we love to laugh a lot which is good for my soul, and her too I think! 😉
It’s been a very long work day for me, but a great one I’d have to say! Lots accomplished!!!
BEYOND thankful for a great day. A day of health, family, food food, friendship and the knowledge that beauty can be found in every step we take! ❤️
Thursday, October 29, 2020
Yesterday was quite an interesting day. It was filled with things to do, lots of work and some leisure too.
I love having a job where I can create, I definitely feel very blessed for that opportunity. Not only for the opportunity to create, but to be fully trusted in my work, that alone is a gift, and although my work hours can be a little crazy sometimes, I always come home with a full heart no matter what.
I ended up taking a late, late, late lunch break to go to the pumpkin farm with my family, an annual tradition 22 years in the making now. Things have changed a lot in our house in the way we observe this tradition, but no matter what, I always find it very enjoyable.
When our girls were little, we would do all the little kids stuff. Pony rides, and wagon rides and playing in the playground. Running around the big farm was always their favorite part, and ending the visit with some sort of a sweet treat or two. I LOVED those days!!!
These days, now that both of our girls are officially adults, the dynamics have changed. Although, everyone still enjoys visiting the farm, it’s no longer a longer visit type of day. We usually walk in, walk around a little, take a few pictures, tasty some of their treats, play with some animals in animal lands, and then pick up treats to go.
Yesterday was interesting as I witnessed my husband almost panic through the farm every time a group of people would get near us. It was NEVER crowded, that’s why we chose to go during the week. Going inside the cafeteria to purchase treats, no way!!! He politely said “I’ll stay outside to watch over the shopping cart.” Everyone in the cafe was wearing masks, employees and guests. It made me sad to witness what this pandemic has done to my easy going, carefree husband. He has been obviously greatly affected by it, even though he’d deny half of it. Of course, I understand 100% the concern and fears, but it still saddens me to see the effects in our every day lives from this virus. He’s not the only one, I know quite a few people that feel the same and whose lives have changed quite dramatically in the way they view life around them.
Instead of eating at an outdoor restaurant (which he couldn’t get himself to do), we ended up doing carry out from a local restaurant. Our annual tradition of visiting the pumpkin farm and then going out to eat with the whole family, has to be modified. It was harder for me than for everyone else, I am a person of habit and HUGE on practicing rituals and traditions. I didn’t have much of that growing up, and the moment I became a mother, that was always one of my biggest priorities, creating memories. Sometimes, we forget (well I do) that memories are created no matter what, and that there is beauty, even in the brokenness that surrounds us.
After my work day, and a visit to the pumpkin farm, I went back to work for a few more hours, and although it was late and I was tired, being there and working on projects that bring me happiness, made me realize how blessed I am, especially for having the ability of finding joy when joy is not necessarily staring at me.
This is true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Beauty and joy presents to us in different ways, the most important part of our earthy journey is that we are always open to let us visit us. ❤️
Wednesday, October 28, 2020
Longest and most exhausting day, and not even the physical kind. I’d take that any day, compared to the exhaustion that your soul feels at times when everything seems to be just too much.
I was listening to a beautiful poem today by an Irish author by the name of Kevin McCormack called “If this time”, and it moved me so deeply that I cried at my office listening to it tonight and I cried in my car listening to it again on my way home.
This 2020 season has been so hard on my heart, on my emotions and the way that I see the world around me. This year has been tough on so many levels, but I’ve also learned a lot of important and almost crucial lessons for living a happier, healthier life.
Hope, we must have hope. Hope matters now more than it’s ever mattered before.
We must have hope, we must see the beauty that surrounds us because even in the chaos, there is beauty and we must persevere.
“If this time has taught me anything, it is that bitter tears are the quietest, and on the days when your head wants to hang low, it is important that you look up. Lift your head, take it in, and breathe deep, for while sometimes this world can be a hard place, your reality, and what you perceive it to be, are seldom aligned.” Kevin McCormack
Tuesday, October 27, 2020
I have the day off today and I’m really excited for the day ahead. Mainly, just excited to be home and do a little bit of all the things that make me happy.
Spending time in comfy clothing, cooking a little, spending time with my family, watching a little tv, and relaxing. I have a lunch date with a good friend today and even though I’ve been looking forward to this day since we made plans, it feels even more special now that restaurants will be closed again for dining in starting tomorrow due to covid. Surreal times we are living.
It’s snowing a little again today which means barometric pressure for my head, ugh, I’m already getting tired of it and the season is just starting. I had been so good I was starting to enjoy feeling “normal” for a while.
My head was in a good deal of pain when I woke up but immediately took my prescription medicine and thankfully it’s starting to feel better. I’m determined not to cancel today’s plans, I’ve done that MANY times in the past, chronic pain always gets in the way of things, not today!
Also, I’m kind of obsessed with the new frother at home, the simple pleasures of life... ahhhh. 🥰
Cheers to a great day ahead!!! 😘
Monday, October 26, 2020
It’s snowing today!!! The first snowfall of the season and I have to say I always love looking out the window and seeing the tree covered in snow, but this year it seems a liiiitle too early, although this snow is not supposed to stick thankfully! 😃
Yesterday, I listened to a reflection by my youngest brother based on yesterday’s Gospel. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Sounds easy, but it’s more challenging than we think.
Loving our neighbors (family members, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, etc...) as ourselves, means, ACCEPTING the good and the bad, the high and the lows and everything in between. It means, not judging or condemning, or speaking evil about anyone else.
Would we like for someone to feel those feelings or act in that way towards ourselves? NO!
Have we all done some of that or all of that at least once in our lives? Absolutely yes!
Is it easy to avoid the temptation to judge or criticize or find guilt in someone’s else’s life? Not really, not always.
It’s in our humanity to find imperfection in others, when our own lives aren’t perfect.
To practice true love, the love we would like for ourselves, towards our family members, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, etc, is a work in progress. To love our neighbor in the best of our ability, we must love ourselves first and embrace who we are fully. Self love is a continuous process and not always an easy one. The moment we realize we accept and love our neighbors as ourselves, we will have succeeded in our efforts of self love.
We were created out of love and meant for love and acceptance. Maybe loving our neighbors as ourselves, it’s not as difficult as we think after all. ❤️
Sunday, October 25, 2020
Migraine level today on a scale of 1-10, it’s: 5 becoming 7 quite quickly, BUT, I am SO thankful for all the 5’s I can get even when they are turning into 6’s or 7’s because I know I can somehow manage it.
Feeling better today meant being able to do the thing I wanted and needed to do this morning. I was able to rest for a few hours after taking my prescription medicine at 3 am, and get a decent sleep until 8 am, which I am incredibly grateful for!
Feeling better meant, going to my office for a few hours to take care of weekend needs.
Feeling better meant, I was able to enjoy my morning coffee (trying decaf and adding almond milk to help me with other issues, ay, ay, ay Maria!).
Feeling better meant, not having to ask my daughters to lower their voices, to turn down the volume for the songs they are listening and being able to have normal conversations with my family.
Feeling better meant, being able to enjoy my breakfast.
Feeling better means so far, I can plan and enjoy the day ahead in the best of my abilities.
Migraine pain SUCKS (yes, I said it!), and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but in a weird kind of way, chronic pain continues to teach me so many lessons, and the meaning of being able to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, like waking up in the morning and doing the majority of people do like eat breakfast, walk downs the stairs, have a conversation and maybe turn on the radio or the tv.
SIMPLE life, GREAT blessings!!!
Enjoy your day, and pay attention to the simplicity around you. It’s not as simple and ordinary as it looks! ❤️
Saturday, October 24, 2020
It’s been a day of being on the couch for me, literally all day, something I’m certainly not used to and don’t enjoy doing, but sometimes you have no other choice and it’s ok.
Migraines have been a two decade battle for me so far and although sometimes I feel like they might be lessening or going away, another bad one strikes and I’m back to square one.
My doctor this morning suggested going to the ER since I had already taken the allowed daily dosage of prescription medicine and had done nothing. I dragged myself to the shower in pain and all because I guess a girl will be a girl after all and just in case, I needed to shave my legs and be ready to take on a hospital bed. Crazy the things that go through our minds in situations like that.
The shower actually ended up giving me some relief and after icing and heating and some over the counter medicine, I started to feel a little bit of relief. I wanted to avoid going to the hospital as much as I could.
Although I’m still in a good amount of pain, resting and relaxing and doing what I can to nurse it has helped, but I might have to go back to my neurologist to try to find yet another way of getting this under control.
The barometric pressure is the WORST thing for my migraines, and although I’m thankful for the rain the ground needs, I’m glad the forecast seems clear from rain for a while, I couldn’t take more of this.
Anyways, enough of my migraines for now, it’s like a never ending story, but that’s my life and sometimes, we have to bring up the lows to appreciate the highs of life.
I’m hopeful for tomorrow, and God willing, I’ll be able to enjoy the day and my family without being afraid to move the “wrong” way, or have the tv or music on, without cringing.
These episodes of chronic pain are a great reminder for me to appreciate every moment of good health and normalcy the best I can. Sometimes, when everything is “peachy” in life, we can forget that life isn’t always perfect and that we have to be so, so grateful for the life we have. ❤️
Friday, October 23, 2020
You guys, here is the thing. I LOVE listening to the rain, watching the rain, but hate getting wet when in and out of my car especially when it’s 40 degrees outside. Ok, it wasn’t 40, but it sure felt like it today. Also, weather changes are like poison for my body, almost literally. I don’t remember being in this much pain, from head to toe like this week, especially the last couple of days. On top of it, aging means, now I am getting severe heartburn??? What is that all about??? Two days without coffee and my soul is already feeling it. 😭
But I’ll take tea in exchange of no acid reflex, that stuff is awful, you literally feel almost like you are having a heart attack! It’s very confusing, especially when you’ve never had it.
I took an over the counter pill that the pharmacist recommended and also two tumbs, fingers crossed I have a good night’s sleep, maybe my migraine will go away too. 🙏🏻
I’m really looking forward to relaxing this weekend and not doing not much of anything. I’ve been working way too much lately, in every possible direction and my body is screaming, RELAX Maria! So, I’m going to listen to my body this weekend and do just that. 😊
Wishing you a peaceful evening. ❤️
Thursday, October 22, 2020
I’ve had some really interesting dreams lately. Extremely vivid and meaningful to me.
I’ve always been fascinated by dreams and in the course of my life, I’ve often had dreams that are quite significant and have left me feeling, on most occasions, with a good feeling in my heart.
I remember my mom having a book about dreams when I was growing up and every time I had a dream that left me with a “wow” feeling, I’d run to find the book as soon as my feet touched the floor. I can almost feel my fingers flipping through the pages, anxiously looking for MY dream definition of that day. Great memories!
A few times I’ve had dreams about family members, deceased loved ones, joyful and sad situations. Dreams that have left me with a good taste in my mouth, and dreams that have awoken me in tears of sorrow.
Although, lots of research has been done about dreams and the why’s behind it, I don’t think the content and purpose of them has really been fully understood, but it has certainly been a topic of discussion in science, philosophy and religious organizations for centuries.
I’ve decided about five significant dreams I’ve had lately. Well, two of them I had them a couple of years ago and I only shared them with my mom. The other three were recent and they are ALL very fitting to the events experienced in my life. What I find most fascinating is the way these dreams were presented and how they all made me feel.
Two dreams are about two deceased family members I loved on their earthly journey, one dream involves a funeral procession (totally unrelated to the first two and with a lot of time in between). One involved a curly blonde little girl and the other one chickens, which might sound funny, but this one made me think the most and was so meaningful and shocking at the same time.
The two dreams about the deceased people I love left me with a feeling of joy, and the way they appeared in my dream could not have been more telling and amazing to fit their personalities and the way in which they died.
Aside from these five dreams, I remember having dreams about my grandma quite often after she died, and loving the fuzzy feeling those dreams left me with every time. Even though, I think about my grandma almost every day (true story), I haven’t had any dreams about her lately, maybe that even means something... maybe we’ve had all the moments we were meant to have after her death; maybe it’s her way of letting me know she’s at peace, maybe it’s MY way of acknowledging and accepting her new resting place. ❤️
Stay tuned for my sharing of these dreams soon. 😊
Wednesday, October 21, 2020
The other day I heard someone said “Covid fatigue”, and after thinking about it for a while, I think myself and a lot of other people are experiencing it, but I can only speak for myself right now.
I am definitely feeling fatigued from all that has come from covid. The lockdown, the mask wearing, the social distancing, the change of pace, the change of plans, the fear, the unknown, the everything.
Although I’ve really tried my best at making the most out of this unfortunate situation, I am starting to feel it in my soul, mainly because I also see it affecting the people I love.
The numbers are going up again and we might have to face another lockdown.
Maybe I’ll come up with a “plan” to enjoy these unprecedented times a little more. I do believe in the magic of special moments in the midst of uncertainty.
I will always try to look at the life from a glass half full perspective, that makes me more joyful. ❤️
Tuesday, October 20, 2020
I was in a lot of pain today, migraine pain. Barometric pressure is like poison for my body, and we’ve had a lot of it lately.
I watched the weather like a hawk, but today I realized that I need to start being more proactive when it comes to pain prevention. I’m on it! 💪🏻
Today, I decided not to be a superhero and declare a day of pain when I got home from work. That meant, not cooking and worrying about what everyone else at home ate (we picked up dinner instead, I guess I still worry about that). It also meant, laying on the couch right after dinner and nursing my migraine with a heating pad, dimmed lights and quiet. Instead of working through the pain and suffering silently, I voiced my level of pain and asked everyone to please keep their voices and noise level to a minimum. I think it worked, the migraine might not be gone, but I definitely feel better.
I’ve been fortunate to have had several pain free days lately and on those days, the things I’ve able to accomplish are incredible. My energy level is usually great and I find myself to be more productive in every way, more positive and more tolerant of things that would make me feel lots of frustration otherwise.
The impact that chronic pain has in my life and I’m sure in the lives of all those who suffer from it is immense. Chronic pain results in severe exhaustion just from fighting through another episode of it, in my case migraines. I usually feel guilty for not giving the best of myself to my family and those around me when I’m not at my best, and I’m always afraid that my pain and lack of enthusiasm can be seen as grouchiness, and the list can go on and on.
Tonight, I’m thankful for the opportunity to have an “almost” pain free night of sleep. I’m grateful for my family’s willingness to quiet the house and to understand my pain. And most importantly, I feel blessed by my ability to “weather the storm” every time I get attacked by another vicious migraine.
Sometimes, I worry about the impact and damage that the constant and excruciating pain could be inflicting to my brain (literally), but I guess worrying about it doesn’t help me either, so I’ll just picture it as the most beautiful and healthy organ of my body instead and nurture it that way. 😊
Sweet dreams everyone! ❤️
Monday, October 19, 2020
HAPPY MONDAY!!! 💛
I woke up with all the good energy today and willingness to achieve things. Part of it is, because the level of pain in my head from constant migraines is controlled today, amen to that!
Yesterday I had a great day! One of those days that leaves you with a “ahhhh...” feeling. I worked for a few hours in the morning until early afternoon, but then when I got home I was decided to do nothing that requires physical effort, including time spent in the kitchen, I basically needed a day for myself!
I ate way too many sweet treats, I brewed WAY too many cups of coffee, and bounced from Cable Television to Netflix to Prime to Hulu as if I had been stranded on Amtrak for two days, but guess what? I loved every minute of it! 😍
Among the things I watched two impacted me the most. Best and most impactful show on my tv screen yesterday was a Broadway play made available on Prime for the first time ever, called “What The Constitution Means To Me” by Heidi Schreck. SO good, so powerful, electrifying and most of all, eye opening. This play takes you back to the beginnings of this country and gives you a pretty chilling look about the experience of minorities. An excellent portrayal of a Constitution that is obligated to look out for everyone. Well done, Broadway!!!
Another movie I watched was “A Civil Action” with John Travolta. First, let me clarify how much I love looking at him, he is just so handsome and such good actor, good combo if you ask me! 😉
The movie is based on a true story about a factory in Massachusetts responsible for the many illnesses and deaths in a town nearby due to water contamination from the disposal of their products. Remember the story of Erin Brockovich, a legal clerk and environmental activist who despite her lack of education was extremely instrumental in building a case against a gas and electric company based in California. Amazing and empowering story. A must see!
I love days of work and leisure. Days spent with my family. Day of good tasting food and treats. Days when I can simply relax and not think about a to do list and days that are empowered by amazing film and television, and yesterday, I had all of that!!!
Thankful for ordinary moments that leave me feeling... extraordinary. ❤️
Sunday, October 18, 2020
The older I get the easier it becomes for me to create boundaries with people, family, friends, acquaintances, everyone.
I used to be a people’s pleaser, I think I still am to a certain level, I think a people’s pleaser stays that way forever, maybe not to an extreme, but we will always have a little bit of that in us.
I have to say (and proudly say), that through the years, I have learned to speak up for myself, although it’s still a struggle at times. I have learned to say no when I have to, and more importantly, I have learned to walk away, literally and figuratively from people and situations that are not healthy and positive for me and most importantly, my well being.
When I started practicing the art of creating boundaries, it was not easy at all, in fact, I struggled a lot with it. I was always afraid of hurting people’s feelings, and putting others before me seemed like a better way of dealing with situations, even when those people and circumstances were not fair or kind.
Boundaries are so extremely important for our wellbeing because they set guidelines of how we want to be treated, which in return, creates a healthier environment and atmosphere for ourselves.
Relationships should be based on respect, they should be appropriate and caring. If we are not feeling a fuzzy feeling when we are around other people, it’s a sign that we should step away and walk away, and do everything and anything in our power for that situation and/or person to invade and violate the value we see in ourselves. Loving and respecting ourselves first also means, giving the best of ourselves to those we love. ❤️
“I allow myself to set healthy boundaries. To say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does. Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me.” Lee Horbachewski
Saturday, October 17, 2020
Today was an ewww day and after a long, long day, I’m just writing a couple of sentences to fulfill the daily journaling ambition of mine.
At least, I’m about to sit down with Stan now to watch a movie after a long day.
Good night! ❤️
Friday, October 16, 2020
Today was a great ordinary day turned extraordinary.
Work was busy as always, but I had a really good work day, and we celebrated Boss’s day with lunch and cake and it was awesome!
My office has been blessed with a really great Priest that came to us to serve as a Pastor of the church where I work, and his ministry, dedication and witness of faith has been humbling since the moment he arrived. Celebrating Boss’s day today felt really good.
This week flew by and although I am working this weekend, ending a work week on a Friday always feels like a blessing and achievement. I love my job and I love working, and the older I get, the more I treasure the opportunity to do what I love while making a living.
Looking forward to some family time this weekend and also some rest on Sunday.
Thankful for today. ❤️
Thursday, October 15, 2020
I had a very interesting dream last night which I will share later today or tomorrow. I wrote it down immediately because dreams seem to go away the moment your feet touch the floor. I’m still a little shocked by it. I love waking up vividly remembering what I dreamt about.
I’m off from work today and I couldn’t be happier, especially because I have no plans at all, and nothing that really needs attention, expect fixing Bella’s phone which she hasn’t had for a few weeks and doesn’t seem bothered by it, in fact, she says not having a phone has given her some peace of mind. Stay that way, Bella!
A friend shared a poke place she loved about an hour away from my house and the girls and I might try it later today. That is, after I have at least two cups of coffee. I’m on number one now.
Having days of leisure is crucial in our lives. Days with nothing on the calendar, when we can sleep in if we want (or can in my case, which I don’t seem to anymore these days, my body is so trained to getting up early). And days to sit on the couch and watch cheesy television wrapped around a warm blanket and a hot cup of cocoa.
The day hasn’t even quite started yet and I’m already loving it! Enjoying my second cup of coffee already, kindness of Michelle and Bella’s drive through visit late this morning. ❤️
Also, happy 84th birthday to my dad who is celebrating life today. 🎉
Wednesday, October 14, 2020
Good morning!!! What do we talk about today?! 😃
I’ve always been a very positive person, that doesn’t mean that things always go well for me, but I try to focus on the positive and the good of every situation.
The past few weeks I’ve been kind of not myself in that way, I think it has everything to do with this new season we are all living, our change of circumstances at home, at work, in LIFE in general. My brain was already geared and “trained” for a completely different year, totally different expectations and then boom, things just got derailed and our brains and hearts and bodies were very confused.
A few days ago I felt (yes, I felt it!) this shift in my body and mind about the way I’ve been looking at life. It’s like my body and mind were refusing to go on the same way they’ve been functioning in a less optimistic way, because let’s be honest, it’s been a hard year!!! But that has been what I’ve always loved about myself, my ability to look at life with a different lens, a more optimism lens, the ability to make ordinary things, feel extraordinary, because life is worth it and so brief.
My brain was almost commanding me to shake off my feelings of all things opposite to joy (I’ve acknowledged them deeply for months and they have consumed me at times), and to start -once again- thriving in the way I’ve always known to do so, by embracing every bit of positive life has to bring. To be picky about how I choose to invest myself with people, situations, emotions and everything that involves risking my peace of mind and sanity.
I am SO thankful for that moment of clarity, an epiphany if you may 😉 that showed me once again who I am, my purpose, and the motivation that has kept me going for all these years. I’m grateful for every lesson learned and for all the growth I’ve had this year. It has been an interesting ride to say the least.
Going in late at work today to allow time for some meetings I have to attend, and I’m taking advantage of this “extra” time at home for some TLC, some cooking and some writing and I’m already loving this Wednesday.
Today, I choose JOY! ❤️
Tuesday, October 13, 2020
Today has been a really great day, mainly (I think) because I started it off with tons of enthusiasm, energy and ambition to accomplish things.
I was excited to go to work, prioritize projects and return quite a few emails and phone calls I had pending. Accomplishing all those things is always a good feeling.
They say that if you love your work, you’ll never have to work a day in your life, and that’s exactly how I feel! I’m not saying that my job (or jobs hehe!) are a path of roses every day, of course not, I do encounter hardship and difficult moments and days, but I am BLESSED to work at places, each and every one of them that bring me joy in one way or another and that is huge.
Ending the day with movie night on a Tuesday with my daughter and frozen custard from a local place that has a delicious menu.
My youngest daughter has gotten some really awesome comments from her College professors lately and even though this covid situation has put a damper on her college experience, she is simply rocking her Freshman year by excelling I’m all her online classes. I’m so proud of her!!!
These days it’s all about celebrating the “little” things in life that make the big picture of life! ❤️
Monday, October 12, 2020
Last night, a friend of mine sent me a picture of her 80+ year old mom and her self at the beach through text. The picture made me smile really big because I’ve loved them both for a really long time, but it also made me very melancholic.
It’s been over 3 years since I saw my mom last, I actually don’t even remember the exact month, they say, the mind is kind, I think my brain is protecting my emotions.
3 years is way too long without seeing your parents. 3 years feels even longer without seeing your mom, and today my heart is missing her a little more.
My mom used to come for visits to Chicago quite often, and when my girls were little she’d stay for a couple of months. Those were the best days!!!
Although I loved every moment, I never realized the significance of it, that one day, those visits would stop and we wouldn’t be able to visit in the same way anymore.
My mom is now 73 years old and although that is still an age when one can be active and involved, my mom lost her vision significantly and it has slowed down her quite a bit. Even though her spirit and love for others has remained intact, my mom has aged physically a lot in the past few years, her visual disability has affected her in many ways.
I miss my mom a lot. I miss my mom every day. I miss my mom some day a little more. Sometimes missing her, hurts.
If we haven’t heard the saying “don’t take things for granted” at least ten times, we haven’t heard it at all. This applies here.
Our parents are a gift given to us to hold and to treasure. Our parents can say that we are their gifts since our lives were placed in their care, but I’ve always felt the other way around.
My mom has been one of the biggest blessings in my life, and even through the distance she continues to love me and to care for me and to bless me with every breath she takes.
I’m still hopeful that one day she’s come back for a visit, in the meantime, I’m beyond thankful for technology that keeps us connected every day! ❤️
Sunday, October 11, 2020
Today has been a long and exhausting day in many ways and my daily reflection was coming out kind of forced.
And because I’m simply just too tired, and I don’t like to force anything in life, I’ve decided to call this a night as far as my attempt to write something for my blog.
Sometimes, we all need a rest, and tonight, it’s that night for me.
I’m going to use this time to lay back, maybe watch an episode of Cobra Kai on Netflix, enjoy a slice of cherry pie from the pumpkin farm, a cup of coffee and simply RELAX!!!
My body needs it. My heart needs it. My soul needs it, and I’m ok with all of that! 😊
I love it when my thoughts and my actions work together. 😉
Sweet dreams! ❤️
Saturday, October 10, 2020
I think it’s fair to say that this year we’ve heard at least ten times about how hard this year has been.
Every day and in every social media platform we stumble upon something that speaks about this year in a grieving kind of way, about how incredibly tough this season has been.
I don’t even refer to this year as 2020, but as a season. We are living unprecedented times, incredibly challenging times, and even though we continuously look for the good and the positive in our experiences, our souls, our hearts have taken on a new role... survival mode.
I believe that this year more than EVER, we must practice kindness and be observant about how we practice it. We must be patient with ourselves, we must be patient with those around us, and empathetic towards our friends and family members that are struggling as much as we are, if not more.
When we feel mistreated, unappreciated and/or ignored, may we immediately shift our thoughts to, “what is she/he/they going through? There must be a reason for that behavior. How can I support them?!”
May we not immediately take offense in the way people react to situations. May we not immediately take things personally, for this IS a hard season! We are all swimming against current right now, even when it might not look like it.
May we be KIND. May we be PATIENT. May we strive to treat others the same way we would like to be treated, today and every day, but especially, in this 2020 season. ❤️
“If we could look into each other’s hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other more gently, with more love, more patience, tolerance and care.” Marvin J. Ashton
Friday, October 9, 2020
Fridays always feel different whether I have to work on the weekend or not and thank goodness they do because we need a different feeling for every day of the week especially this year.
After a long, long day of work, I’m sitting on my living room couch attempting to unwind from the day and all the emotions that my soul goes through the day.
Michelle made hot cocoa and brought me a cup to the living room. I love it when my children practice random acts of kindness. I needed that kindness today.
A hot cup of cocoa (chocolate abuelita to be exact), is warming my hands, calming my heart and helping me ease into the night.
My daughters are talking in the kitchen, laughing their hearts out, having fun and loving their time together. I am soaking those moments in because I know they won’t last forever.
Today was a good day, thank especially because I embraced even the moments that felt challenging in some way.
“It is not happy people who are thankful. It is thankful people who are happy.” Anonymous
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT ❤️
Thursday, October 8, 2020
Today was one of those really great days off! I didn’t get to rest much, but I don’t a lot done at home and errands also, which I don’t seem to have much time for lately, which is ok, I’m beyond thankful for what I get to do.
This morning my oldest daughter and I went to a pumpkin patch near our house to walk around and eat some Fall treats. It was such a gorgeous, and sunny Fall day. It was actually perfection! Mid 70’s and sunny.
I made dinner and we all sat down at the table to eat which we haven’t done in a while.
Cooking takes SO much time, especially when you make everything from scratch, which is usually what I do, but it’s worth it, although I think I am getting a little tired of all the prepping and cleaning and cooking and serving, etc... my feet get tired a lot sooner these days. 😁
But let me share about my “big” purchase today. A garbage can! That’s right, you heard it right.
Stan and I will he married 25 years next year and we’ve always had a tiny little garbage can in the kitchen for which we have to replace the bags at least five times a day because it fills up fairly quickly. My husband is quite the organizer at home and doesn’t like bulky, eyesore things laying around.
For a long time now I have been wanting to buy a NORMAL garbage can for the kitchen, you know the ones where you don’t have to change the bag a million times a day?! Yeah, those! I cannot even mention how many silly arguments we got into every time I brought up the fact that I wanted a different garbage can. The response was always... “Why? This is perfectly fine! Others will take too much space!”
Needless to say, yesterday as I was leaving the house to go to work, my husband was emptying the small garbage can in the kitchen and as he pulled the bag out (someone did not put it in the right way), and everything came flying out and the kitchen door was suddenly a big huge mess.
I excused myself and quickly left the house. You know... I couldn’t be late for work! 😉
Today, while we ran errands I decided I was buying a garbage can for the kitchen. A GOOD size garbage can, with a foot pedal, and I even got a stainless steel one, woot, woot, what a rebel I am!!! 😃
My daughter thought it was funny how giddy I was about this purchase. I was, I really was. You would’ve thought I was purchasing a vacation house without consulting him.
I picked up that beautiful and shiny garbage can, not caring at all about the price, put it in the cart and proudly drove it home. My daughter said “I mean, it’s kind of a normal thing to buy!” I said “not in our house, it isn’t!” Ha, if life could always be as simple as this right, worrying about to buy or not to buy a... garbage can!!!
We pulled up at the house and I couldn’t wait to walk in with my prized possession. I PROUDLY put it in the laundry room where it will be, right next to the kitchen, and like a little kid I waited for my husband to come downstairs after a full day of work to see the surprise.
He was surprised alright, haha, but he took it way better than I expected, and now thanks to my “courage” 😉, we have a beautiful, shiny and efficient garbage can in the kitchen.
This has nothing to do with a garbage can, but everything to do with perseverance.
A day off filled with fall moments at the pumpkin farm, quality time with my big girl, a delicious and homemade family dinner and Netflix time on the couch while sipping hot cocoa was just what my heart’s been missing these days.
Thankful for every joyful moment today. Especially... my new garbage can! 😉❤️
Wednesday, October 7, 2020
This morning I woke up to no coffee in the house. Truth be told, I haven’t had any time to go shopping lately, and the little “spare” time I have, I just want to be home. I’ve never enjoyed grocery shopping anyways, and when I’m tired I avoid it like the plague. My husband usually does the grocery shopping (yes, I know, how lucky am I?! 😍), and since his recent surgery, he hasn’t been able to drive yet.
On Monday I had to go to the store to buy toilet paper and water, necessities - as soon as I had those things in my cart, I left as fast as I could! I wonder why I dislike stores so much. Consumerism has never been my thing, I am more of a minimalist when it comes to acquiring things. Although, I did grab a bag of flaming popcorn and chocolate covered almonds on my way out, oops! 🙊
Anyways... waking up to no coffee in the house is usually not a good way for me to start the day. I got in my car after I got ready for work and drove to the nearest drive thru with coffee. McDonalds actually has amazing tasting coffee!
I decided to take my coffee to a lake near my work and sip it in the quiet of the day all by myself before starting the hustle and bustle of the day. These days, I need as much quiet time and solitude as I can find.
I recently heard someone talk about the importance of silence in our lives. And no so much the silence that it comes when we turn off the tv, or the radio or our iPods or any electronics for that matter, but the silence we experience when we purposely seek it and contemplate it.
Silence, if you think about it, it’s crucial in our daily lives. It’s what feeds our souls in this very demanding world, especially now since the birth of social media.
Silence is as important as drinking our water, washing our face at night, grabbing on to faith (if that’s what we believe in), and anything that makes our hearts and souls breath in peace and breath out love.
May we purposely seek moments of silence and solitude in our daily, ordinary days. Even if it’s just for a short while. ❤️
Tuesday, October 6, 2020
Currently on my second cup of coffee, sitting in a parking lot of a medical center. My husband has a follow up appointment for the knee surgery he had last week and due to covid, they are allowing a limited number of visitors in the building, so I’m taking this opportunity to breath, reflect and focus on grace.
“Grace means that all of your mistakes now serve a purpose instead of serving shame.” Brene Brown
“Grace is like a lake of drinkable water right outside your door. But you stay inside and die of thirst.” Maya Angelou
“For grace is given not because we have done good works, but in order that we may be able to do them.” Saint Augustine
GRACE. Grace has gotten me through many ordeals in life. Grace has held me by the hand in my weakest moments, my loneliest days, and my most consumed and astonished experiences. Grace is what has kept me going when I think there is nothing else left in me to give. Grace has always given me the push to keep going, to focus on my purpose in life and to find balance in a not so well balanced world. Grace more than anything else, has gotten me through life in a way that I will never be able to quite put into words.
I will never understand the great mystery of grace, for grace is not seen, but felt and not in a physical kind of way. Grace has always met me where I am, but it never leaves me where I found it. Grace has given me the opportunity over and over to become more whole, more of who I was put on this earth to be.
Sometimes, we don’t even realize the who’s, the what’s or the where’s grace will meet us. Sometimes our tears and our afflictions show up almost purposely to open up our minds, our eyes and help us see the world around us in a deeper, more genuine way.
May our lives be built grace upon grace, for grace is one of the purest forms of love. ❤️
Monday, October 5, 2020
I was thinking of things I should or could do to add joy to these days. 2020 has definitely been a yucky year in many ways and it has altered my soul.
One thing that definitely brings me joy is cooking and I need to get back to doing that, but especially finding the time to do it.
A friend was telling me on Saturday that it takes 30 days to create a habit. I think I’ve heard that before, and I believe it, except I need to work harder at that.
I finished my third round of Whole30 (30 days!) a couple of weeks ago and stress and life got the best of me and I fell back into my not so healthy stress eating habits, but I’ve decided to work on a health regimen to get back to place I want to be in.
Lesson #197 lesson learned this year today! One thing I DO have going for me is, MY FAITH. I really don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have that to cling on.
This too shall pass. ❤️
Sunday, October 4, 2020
Last night I was feeling depleted in every way, the not so nice kind of way.
At 8:45 pm I decided to turn off the tv which I had been watching for approximately 20 minutes, and after not being able to find anything “good”, fun or positive to watch, I thought that was enough and Netflix, Prime or anyone else for that matter, deserved any more of my precious time.
Soon after shutting the tv off and still unmotivated to do anything else I decided to lounge on the couch for a few minutes while I browsed through the interesting lands of social media.
I came across a video of a Colombian girl I started following a few months ago, who inspires me every time I see one of her posts, videos or stories.
She was Miss Colombia in 2011-2012 and not only is she gorgeous, but her heart is even more beautiful and that is the focus here. The inside of her soul, it shines from miles away!
In early June of this year she lost her left leg from the knee down due to complications from a sudden and unexpected illness. Her right leg is compromised as well, but thankfully they were able to save it.
Yesterday, as I was browsing through Instagram, I came across a new video she had posted. It was an old video of her dancing, previous to her amputation, and she looks so happy and full of life.
The amazing thing about Daniella is that she is the same person right now, her essence and beauty shines from within and nothing stops her from her enjoying life to the fullest. In that post she shared, she says how she can’t wait to get her prosthesis and dance like that again. Amazing!!! I know she will do that one day soon!
I’ve never met Daniella in person, but her story has taught me a great deal about determination, attitude, strength (in every way), and overall love for life.
She has chosen GOLD, to repair the broken pieces of her story and she’s doing it with such grace and love, and strength that is beyond admirable.
Whenever I’m feeling a little down or exhausted or confused about what’s going on in the world, life around me, I glimpse at her page always certain of finding motivation to tackle what’s next.
If you have Instagram, make sure to check her page out, I know, it will make you smile in some way, even if you don’t speak Spanish. You will feel her essence without the need to speak her language. 😊❤️
Daniella’s Instagram page: danielaalvareztv
Saturday, October 3, 2020
I am the kind of tired today that even this philosophical girl has nothing to say today, but I’m honoring my body, soul and mind and getting the rest it needs instead of making it work to “create” once more, not now, not tonight.
These days, I’m seeing life a little deeper and from a different perspective. With truth, light, love and so much honesty, especially to the way I live my life and the people I surround myself with.
Life is an incredible gift in which we have first class seats, what we make of it, with the resources we have, depends on us.
Here is to a busy Saturday that ended with uneventful tv shows and spaghetti and meatballs. 🍜
Friday, October 2, 2020
My husband had surgery today (things went well and he’s recovering nicely thankfully) bur the whole experience drained me, imagine how he must feel. Visiting hospitals, especially during covid time, it’s exhausting, so many more protocols to follow now.
My husband has been hospitalized quite a few times in the past few years and every time I am just simply amazed by the medical professionals that assist us during our visits. Nurses and doctors in pre-op and recovery, their level of commitment and responsibility is incredible. They never stop, they walk back and forth doing all of their tasks and always with the best attitude.
Today I was especially impressed by the Operating Room Nurse. A male nurse, probably in his early 30’s who seemed SO incredibly passionate about his profession. He was energetic, pleasant, knowledgeable, a go getter, humorous and simply amazing in so many ways. He made us feel at ease every time he stepped in the room.
Right before he wheeled my husband out of the pre-op room to take him to surgery I said “you seem to really love your job!” And he quickly and enthusiastically responded, “I DO, I love it! It’s not every day that someone gets to experience the things I do, and see the things I see in the operating room, it’s amazing.” As he wheeled my husband out of the room, he talked to him, talked to another nurse that was walking back to the OR with him and made everything and everyone around him feel extra special.
A few hours after surgery, my husband and I were talking about the surgery, what he remembered before he was sedated and the recovery room, and as we talked about the experience and the medical professionals that assisted him, he said “they were all so great, but the nurse in the operating room (Matt, the same one I am referring to), he was great! He was pleasant, and nice and helpful.”
Stan and I didn’t share our opinion about who our “favorite” person of the day at the hospital was, but the passion that this particular nurse displayed, made a huge impression on both of us.
I will definitely be writing a note to the hospital and letting them know how big of a difference his positive attitude and love for his job, made in our day.
A long and stressful day, made better by someone who feels so passionate about his job, that makes an uncomfortable situation, a pleasant one.
Hats off to all the incredible medical professionals that give so much of their lives and knowledge to help others.
No wonder there was a big sign outside of the hospital that said “HEROES WORK HERE!” ❤️
Thursday, October 1, 2020
HAPPY 1ST DAY OF OCTOBER!!! ❤️
My head, my heart, my thoughts, my soul, my body have been going a million hours a mile lately, and today, the first day of a new month, I am choosing to start it with positive thoughts and encouraging myself to dig deep and get strength from what has always served me good and best.
MY FAITH. My family. My good friends who have been there for me in the good, the bad and the ugly.
I’ve decided to make it a point this month to embrace ALL things Fall! The food, the scents, the weather, the outdoors, the beautiful scenery of leaves changing colors and falling off the trees.
I grew up in Mexico, in very hot climate, where the only seasons I really knew were Summer, 90% of the year, and the other 10% was Winter, which was also extreme. Although I loved that weather because it’s all the I ever knew, I didn’t realize the beauty behind the change of seasons until I came to live in the Midwest over two decades ago.
It’s funny how quickly you adjust and then immediately start taking things for granted in a way. Although, I will always love the change of seasons, I don’t think I pay as much attention to it anymore as I did when I first came to live here.
Although I love Summer, because it gives us so much freedom and opportunities to be outdoors, I think Fall is my favorite season.
The earth starts whispering to us that life is always changing. The hot Summer days are quickly fading away, and we start making room for new beginnings. As we take out our sweaters and boots, turn on the heat at home and make hot cocoa to watch our shows on tv, instead of iced lemonade, life is holding us by the hand, and inviting us to renew ourselves and also promising new beginnings.
They say “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, and today, I choose to see beauty once again despite all the hurts and fails of this 2020 season. I choose to focus on all the positive things, to love myself and to let those who love me, be part of my life in the most intimate of ways.
I want to be “seen” deeply by those I trust and walk this earthy journey in true awareness of my surroundings.
Here is to new beginnings, new mindset, new focus, and new intentions ❤️
