Write Like No One Is Watching

A few days ago I read a blessing by Kate Bowler (she’s amazing by the way, I’m a big fan!) and it moved something inside of me.  It touched my heart, and I immediately decided to share it on my personal social media.

I’m not going to lie, I hesitated sharing it because when you talk about being broken, or unsteady in your faith, you run the risk of being judged, exposed, misunderstood.

Sure enough when I shared it, the immediate response from people were to encourage me, to distract me from my “brokenness” and to stay positive, and keep my “chin up”.

To be honest, I wasn’t feeling broken at all when I shared it, not at all, and thankfully my faith is pretty solid right now, BUT I have been on the opposite side of the rope: unbalanced, fearful, broken, with a sense of emptiness (the toughest one of all them I think), and discouraged.  If I have learned anything from my grief journey is that toxic positive simply does NOT work, in the contrary, it’s hurtful when forced unto those suffering.

I have always been the positive one, the optimistic one, the “everything will work out eventually…” type of gal. I’d like to think that in a sense, I still am, but now I have a more real sense of what realistic optimism, and positivity are, and we must never dismiss someone’s pain, by saying, “don’t worry, be happy!” Ugh… some of those cliche phrases make me cringe now.

Replacing optimism and positivity with gratitude, has worked a lot better for me in my grief journey.  Gratitude.  Moments, life, people, and opportunities I am grateful for.  Gratitude can change hearts, I am almost certain.

It feels as if life has handed our family a load full of “stuff”, and not necessarily the good stuff for a while now. We are doing ok right now thank God, and I will share a family update soon.  But… those experiences have been tough, and too many to count.

I was recently afflicted by a situation that has been out of my control.  A situation that had really been bothering me, and made me feel disappointed big time. Then last night I had a moment of grace, as if someone had whisper in my ear “look at what you have endured, don’t be distracted by these little things.”

I woke up feeling a lot better, with a sense of endurance, and renewed strength.

I have gone through a lot, my body,  and my soul have endured a lot (a lot) but I’m making progress, and focusing my energy on the things that make my heart smile.

And with that being said:) this is the blessing I shared a few days ago, and I wanted to share it again in hopes that it touches, inspires, and strengthens YOU as well.

And my favorite part of this blessing: “wounded, yes, but changed.” Ah, how beautiful, and powerful. ❤️

A blessing for when faith breaks your heart by Kate Bowler

Blessed are you standing among the ruins of a faith

that once felt so sturdy,

now turned to dust under your feet.

The certainty you once had, gone.

The community you loved, dissipated.

The hope you held dear, hard to find.

Instead, what’s taken up residence

is the very stuff that seems counter

to what you imagined:

Disappointment. Doubt. Disillusionment. Despair.

In this new landscape, may you practice the courage to find the others

who make space for your questions without easy answers,

who celebrate doubt when it makes room for more faith,

who search high and low for a defiant hope born amidst despair.

Bless you, dear one. You who don’t give up wrestling.

who have eyes to see something new being rebuilt on top of what was.

Blessed are you who walk away wounded, yes. But changed.

📸: note I found in my daughter’s bedroom. Love the quote, and sentiment that inspired to… share again.