I’ve been dreading this day, but I’ve also been looking forward to it. The day we officially say goodbye to 2021, my feelings have been extremely confused this year, but the last few days have been particularly “weird”. I’ve felt joy, sadness, a lump in my throat (constantly), and an out of body experience of sorts. It’s like I don’t even know how to feel anymore.
So much happened in the world in 2021, but most significantly for us as a family, life shifted, in a dramatic way. And when I say, dramatic, I don’t say it lightly.
We ended 2020 last year with great anticipation, and excitement, I can still feel the joy of that day. Our family picture of our last dinner of 2020 still remains as one of my favorite pictures of all time in our family life. Somehow, I felt very optimistic for what 2021 would hold, after all, 2020 had been an extremely “not so good” year. Then 2021 rolled around and life completely changed for us… literally, and not for the better, but I continued (and still do) to have hope in my heart.
As many of you know, I lost both my dad and my youngest brother within weeks from each other in the beginning of 2021. Tough, tough, tough losses, especially my brother’s death, who was my best friend, and confidant. His absence still hurts a great deal, but I’m learning to live without him, little by little, day by day, breath by breath…
My husband and my oldest daughter experienced great health challenges this year, many of which I’ve never spoken about, or only to very few people. We are coping, and we continue to put one foot in front of the other, as always, hoping for the best outcome.
This year I also stopped using phrases as: have a nice day. Instead I say, “have a kind day!” somehow kindness feels more genuine, it resonates with me more, and it makes me aware of other’s people’s pain as well, pain that I might not even be aware of.
I stopped even thinking about using phrases like: “everything happens for a reason… or this too shall pass.” I’ve been the protector of my own feelings, my emotions, and my vulnerability. My own advocate when it comes to grief.
The thing is, even though I didn’t sign up for all the struggles we’ve gone through this year, and I don’t consider them “lessons”, I HAVE grown a great deal as a human being this year.
“Stuff”, material things have never meant a thing to me. Now? Well, now those things have even less meaning.
I only embrace and welcome into my life relationships that make me richer as a person.
If I feel like crying… I cry.
If I’m upset, or angry about something, I allow myself to feel those feelings, but I don’t stay there too long.
I’ve become a searcher of all things genuine, and joyful. Self care has taken on a whole new level. I SEEK self care, even though some days, it’s hard to achieve it.
I’m sitting in the living room at home. Stan, Michelle, and Bella are in the kitchen putting away groceries, snacking, and chatting. They sound happy, they are laughing, and they are excited about the day. The sounds coming from the kitchen fill my soul.
Tonight, I’m making dinner, and Michelle is helping, she loves being in the kitchen, lighting candles, playing background music, and setting the mood. We are making steak, salmon, a yummy roasted tomatoes chicken sausage, lots of veggies, and pesto linguine in honor of my new favorite animated movie, “Luca”. If you haven’t seen it, you must, it’s pretty increíble.
Tonight, I won’t be making New Year’s resolutions, instead, I will be writing each of my family members a letter telling them of my good wishes and blessings for them.
Tonight, at the strike of midnight, I will welcome the New Year, I will bless the New Year, I will smile at it, and I will invite it to journey with me in 2022.
May 2022 bring you love, peace, joy, and many moments filled with kindness.
Thank you for being part of my journey. I’m thankful for you. ❤️
