December 11, 2021
Today was one of those days where you wake up with all intentions of taking your time in the morning to sip your coffee and relax a little, and then the world decides to throw a curveball and disintegrate all the plans you had in mindā¦ what do they say? We make plans and God laughs! It was a āhumorousā day let me tell you! š
Iām sitting down now after a long day, but smiling from ear to ear, because despite all the ups and downs, I was fortunate to spend most of my day with amazing, generous and faithful people.
Today, we completed nine days of prayer in honor of Our Lady of Guadalupe at the church where I work, and during those nine days I witnessed the devotion, and generosity of so many people. I felt blessed and fortunate to be among them.
Tomorrow the alarm will go off at 4 am, so I can be at church at 4:30 am or around that time to serenade Our Lady of Guadalupe, a long standing tradition in Mexico which is honored here in the US also by people of Mexico and Latin American countries. There will be a Mariachi band at Mass, and plenty of pan de dulce and hot chocolate after Mass.
Grateful for today. ā¤ļø
December 10, 2021
Some mornings feel a little kinder, and sweeter, like this morning. Iām sitting on my living room couch, cup of coffee in hand, and a handful of delicious raspberry tea biscuits a friend gave me a couple of days ago. Iām taking it all in, these moments donāt come around too often these busy days.
I was at work last night going back and forth between the office, and the church where we were having Mass and a little social gathering, and someone stopped me with a big smile and said, āare you the Facebook lady?! I love the things you share!ā That made me smile really big! Iāve been called church lady, Baptism lady, QuinceaƱos lady, but never the āFacebook lady!ā Haha, that was cute and funny at the same time, but to me, it was a great compliment. I love being able to share and connect with people in different ways, and social media provides this platform in a fun and prayerful way!
I think (I think š), we will attempt some Christmas decorating this weekend, starting today at some point! I have always decked the halls at home, literally every room in the house gets a sprinkle of Christmas, but this year I havenāt quite felt it yet. As a matter of fact, just until yesterday, a full fresh pumpkin (still good because it wasnāt carved), was still sitting outside by the garage, fall leaves garland still decorate the staircase, and there is a Thanksgiving wreath in the downstairs bathroom, and you know what, ITāS OK!!! Actually, the fact that Iām so ok with it right now, makes me feel better and proud of myself for not forcing feelings, and rituals into a lifestyle that feels so foreign to me right now. Iām thankful for my family that has been so extremely gracious, and patient with me, KIND, and loving about my journey this year. Nothing earthly is permanent, and this too shall passā¦ in the meantime, Iām thankful for those who embrace me, support me, and love me JUST as I am at the moment.
I think Iāll sit here for another few minutes, savoring the taste and smell of my coffee, and o will also have a couple more raspberry tea biscuits, yum!!!
Sending love for a kind day ahead. May all the human interactions you have today be the kind that do some healing in your heart. ā¤ļø
December 9, 2021
Today is Thursday, and itās a cold day in Chicago, no snow though, we havenāt had any yet and I have conflicting feelings about it, but thatās another story!
I had a mid morning appointment for dental cleaning today, and right after a lunch date with my daughter. Not sure my hygienist wouldāve felt about the caramelized crunchy, sticky and delicious bacon I had right after she spent 45 minutes working on my mouth, BUTā¦ at least I brushed my teeth and flossed right after! š¤
Today I went to brunch with my oldest daughter, and I always LOVE our conversations, sheās one of the best conversationalists Iāve ever known, sheās fun, sheās engaging, she is INTERESTED in what you have to say, she is a great listener, and she often has great wisdom to shareā¦ on top of it, sheās got the most calming personality when sheās fully enjoying a conversation. Iām always very open with her about whatever I have going on in my life, and even though we might not always agree on the way we view the world around us and how we react to it, I value and respect her opinion.
Relationships with adult children are so unique and special, I really treasure them, although sometimes it might feel like Iād rather go back to the chasing of toddlers days, ha!
Today is the 10th month death anniversary of my brother. Man, oh man, I miss him so freaking much, but Iām slowly learning to cope at living without him. The toughest journey. š
Michelle and I decided to decorate the house for Christmas this weekend, Iām thankful for her gentle ways of encouraging and supporting me. Weāll pace ourselves, and will embrace this season of love, even in the midst of struggle. Grateful for gentle hearts, and encouraging words. I have the best humans in my life.
December 8, 2021
Today has been a day of reflection for me. Throughout my work day, Iāve had a few opportunities to think about my spiritual journey this year, it has been a challenging one, but also, a journey of spiritual growth. Growth is not always easy, it often requires hard work, rest, reflection, perseverance, and more work.
I was thinking about the day my mom said to me when I spoke with her over the phone a couple of weeks ago, āwe are SO blessed, arenāt we?ā That day in particular, I was having a rough day of grieving the loss of my brother early this year, and many, many other hard, challenging things our family has gone through this year. I couldnāt tell my mother I didnāt quite share her feelings about being āblessedā, particularly this year. My mother is grieving the loss of her husband, and her youngest son in her own way. I didnāt want to spoil her moment of gratefulness. I listened, and then quickly changed the subject, because in all honesty, even hearing those words and knowing what weāve been through this yearā¦ irritated me.
I love my mother deeply, and her faith has inspired me even more this year. Without knowing, she has encouraged me to explore my spirituality in the midst of pain.
I havenāt felt very blessed this year to be honest, but at the same time, I fully acknowledge the many, every day, and ordinary blessings in my life. Then one day, as I was trying to discern my conflicting feelings of faith, and blessing, I thought of Jesusā words, and Iām not speaking about my brother JesĆŗs š, but Jesus Himself, and His words about being blessedā¦ he said, āBlessed are the meek, blessed are the vulnerable, blessed are those who mourn, blessed are the poor in spirit...ā -Jesus
How beautiful is that???
In the midst of my own pain, my doubts, my agony at times, and also confusion and desperation about the deep faith I once felt, that now felt weaker because of my life circumstances, I was reminded that indeedā¦ I am blessed.
I am blessed in my pain.
I am blessed in my despair.
I am blessed when my faith feels shaken.
I am blessed when I feel vulnerable.
I am blessed in my grieving.
I am blessed.
And in that journey, I am never alone.
I love this beautiful reflection written by the amazing Jan Richardson that speaks about blessing in the midst of challenges.
āA blessing is at its most potent in times of disaster, devastation and loss, when Godās Providence seems most difficult to find. A blessing helps us perceive the grace that threads through our lives.ā ~Jan Richardson
Blessings, pain, joy, grief, grace. How beautiful all those words are, and more beautiful is the meaning they house. ā¤ļø
December 7, 2021
I am more aware of my feelings and my emotions now than I have ever been in my entire life, and it has everything to do with all that Iāve been through this year. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Today was a GOOD day, a day with lots or work, and many projects, but also a day of joyā¦ and joy, I appreciate a lot these days.
Stan and I were invited to a Christmas dinner party tonight with some dear friends, and the evening, eating delicious food (omg everything was so amazing!), drinking some good wine, and talking, and laughing with friends was just what my heart needed to end the day. We all have work tomorrow, but everyone was having such a great time, that we simply stayed and visited for as long as we wanted to. Having a private room at a nice restaurant helped, we didnāt have to rush! š
Gratefulness in a season of grief is a gift, a gift I donāt take for granted.
As the day comes to an end, I give thanks for the people that brightened my day, for the delicious food I was able to share with friends, and for tender moments of love and care throughout the day. Grateful for today. Today was a good day.
December 6, 2021
Last night I had a dream that made me both smile and cry, and wake up with a void in my heart. Iām still trying to process all the feelings from that dream.
In my dreamā¦ my brother Will had a business trip he had to go on, and he invited us (my mom, brother JesĆŗs and I) to go along with him. We decided to drive. Eventually we arrived in an area that was heavily visited by tourists and somehow all of a sudden we ended up in a beautiful but isolated area where we could see farm animals in the distance m. We were suddenly under the shade of the most beautiful, full, and green color tree, the area was so beautiful, itās almost hard to describe.
All of a sudden a single chicken showed up right next to us, and in my dream I knew my family was nearby but not exactly next to me, it was almost as if I had time alone with this chicken. The chicken wasnāt just any kind of chicken, it was the most beautiful bird Iāve seen, itās feathers were the purest white, they were so shiny, and felt like silk to the touch. He was a big chicken, calm, and very friendly, so friendly, I decided to pick it up. Iāve never liked birds, well I like them flying in the air, but thatās about it, I donāt like holding them, or the feeling of feathers flopping around me, thatās always freaked me out. I didnāt have those feelings with this chicken, this chicken brought me peace.
As we got ready to leave I put the chicken down and I noticed it had left a dust stain on my pants. I remember peeking inside the car where my brother Will was at the wheel, my mother in the backseat, and I told my brother Will to take mom with him, and that Iād catch up with them later. I wanted to walk so the fresh air could dry off the stain I had just washed with a water bottle I had. As the car drove away and I was getting ready to start walking, my brother JesĆŗs showed up next to me with that huge smile that characterized him, he wanted to keep me company and walk that last stretch home or wherever I was going with me. We werenāt talking, and suddenly I realized that my brother wasnāt part of our physical world anymore, and as we started getting ready to walk away from this beautiful, magical place so I could meet up with my mom and brother Will again, I thought to myself, āmaybe on this walk my brother and I are taking now, Iāll ask him to help me and give me advice on how to live without him.ā
Whatever happened between that walk and arriving back at home where my mom and Will were waiting for me, I donāt remember anything anymore. Just as my brother JesĆŗs RamĆ³n and I started walking and enjoying that beautiful scenery and each otherās company, just as fast he disappeared in the most gentle of ways. When I arrived home, my mom and brother Will were sitting at the table having supper, and I said to them, āI asked JesĆŗs RamĆ³n to help me live without him.ā My brother Willās eyes filled with tears, and he stated how much he missed him too.
My mom sat there listening, she didnāt say much, but she looked a bit consumed by all of it.
Although I donāt remember āhearingā my brother say anything else to me on that walk, his presence (in my dream) itself was the loveliest gift I couldāve asked for, and feeling him as if he were here with us, brought me peace. He seemed to be filled with peace.
Of course I had to search dream interpretations about pretty birds as soon as I woke up, and what I found said that they symbolize our goals, aspirations and hopes. If birds are flying free, roaming free like mine was, that represents joy, harmony, balance, love, and the experience of spiritual freedom and liberation. For what itās worthā¦ Iāll take all of that.
Thank you brother for visiting me last night, I miss you, and I will love you forever. I felt your peace. š
December 5, 2021
There is a song I really love by Coffey Anderson that says āHoly Spirit, You are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere, your glory, God, is what our hearts long for to be overcome by Your presence, Lord.ā
Arenāt those words wonderful? They filled me with joy.
Today at the church where I work and worship, we had a special event at all Masses. Parishioners were asked to invite a guest a church this weekend at the Mass theyād be attending. We had name tags for everyone to wear, and hospitality (donuts, fruit, coffee and lemonade) after all Masses.
We were gladly surprised by the number of parishioners that brought a guest this weekend, so many new faces, and many other people that had been away and came back to the church this weekend. It was a wonderful and joy filled sight.
When everyone had left, and there was no one else left in the building, I walked to the back of the altar where we store some things to put something back. As I walked back towards the exit of the church to go back to my office, the quiet, and darkness of the worship space struck me, and I paused for a moment to take all that sacredness in. That same sacred space had just housed hundreds of faithful parishioners and visitors, listened to Scripture, sang hymns, and psalms, and heard wonderful messages by the Priests presiding at each Mass, and people came together as ONE. That dark and quiet space was speaking joy, kindness, community, and FAITH after a full day of Masses.
Yes, the Holy Spirit IS welcome there, our house of worship filled with so much love where everyone is also welcome. We are blessed with a thriving community of faith that makes our hearts rejoice. ā¤ļø
My feet are tired, but my soul is wide awake.
December 3/4, 2021
I slept in big time today today for the first time in a year, and Iām feeling a little out of it to be honest, Iām not used to sleeping this much, but my body needed the rest. Iāve felt a little anxious in the last couple of weeks, my mind thinking and feeling all the things, and that too has affect my sleep. Iāve laid in bed for hours unable to fall asleep, and then wake up early for work. Last night I was determined to do all the things to ease my mind a little before going to bed, and it worked!!! So thankful for the 8+ hrs of sleep I got, they felt like heaven.
Yesterday was a good day! I was at work all day, but we had so many good things happening throughout the day that kept me smiling all day. I love working for a community of people where faith, prayer and joy is at the center of all it.
I had a late breakfast with two good friends also, and that not only helped me break the day, but it was awesome reconnecting, laughing, and talking about all the things.
Today is a busy work day as well, but I fully enjoyed my laid back morning at home, breakfast, a delicious cup of coffee, and tonight, we have plans to watch a movie and simply relax. Itās all the little things that make life a little easier, and more enjoyable this time of the year, and every day.
Cheers to a kind, and joy filled weekend ahead! āļø
December 2/3, 2021
Iām sitting in the quiet of my living room with a freshly brewed cup of coffee in my hands. I havenāt felt this content, and relaxed in quite a while, Iām soaking in the moment. Daisy is too, sheās sitting on the floor, right next to me, she looks happy.
My lovely girls all grown up! ā¤ļøā¤ļø
Yesterday, Stan, the girls and I decided to go to downtown Chicago to one of our favorite places around this time of the year, Christkindlmarket to see all the things, eat all the foods, and feel all the feelsā¦ and so we did, and it was amazing!!! The forecast showed unusual warm weather temps for this time of the year, and we seized the moment and went, what a perfect evening it was.
Stasiu and I š„°ā¦ all grown up too! š
We debated whether the girls and I should take the train and get a head start, or wait for Stan to get back from work and head out then. We knew that if we didnāt wait for him, he just wouldnāt go, Stan is not one to seek out many adventures, ha! As soon as he got home, he changed clothes and off we went. I can still feel the JOY of approaching the huge block of shops, and food vendors, and live music playing by the street, first time Iāve felt the holiday spirit this year.
There was a three people street music band playing modern jazz music, the vocalist was SO incredibly talented, I wanted to scream, āanyone from Americaās Got Talent here???ā The drummer, and guitarist just as talented, amazing what willingness to make something happen does, perseverance, talent, and creativity were all on display last night. A big bucket with lights around it for tips, and even a option to VENMO your tips, now, thatās creativity! š
We listened to them play first for about 10 minutes, and then we made our first stopā¦ German potato pancakes with apple sauce and sour cream, OMG, they were DELICIOUS!!! Of course, they always are! Then we got gluhwein and hot cocoa in the cutest souvenir cups, and a grilled cheese stuffed pretzel, and another stuffed pretzel with jalapeƱo and cheese, BIG yum to both!!! Can you tell how much I love food? š¤© These special holiday treats always give me all the Christmas cheer.
We walked around, visited all the shops, German, Polish, and we couldnāt walk away from an Austrian shop with glass blown Christmas ornaments. Both the girls loved them, and I told them they could pick their annual Christmas ornament at that Austrian shop. I always surprised them with a special ornament every year highlighting whatever things theyāve accomplished, or enjoyed, but letās just say this year has been less than pleasant in many ways, and I thought, āthis would make this yearās ornament even more specialā¦ā they loved it, it precious in every way, and they will remember forever that special day spent with mom and dad at Christkindlmarket, having fun, laughing, and eating all the yummy foods.
Speaking of foodā¦ of course the food sampling didnāt stop there, the girls and I LOVE Eataly in Chicago and we couldnāt skip a dinner stop since we were right there! Stan dropped us off, we got a table, he parked, we ordered an appetizer and drinks while we waited for him, and then magic, and the waiter started to walk up to our table with the food, there came Stasiu ready to join the big, and feast.
We talked, and talked, and talked, the girls shared all kinds of emotions, feelings, and experiences this year especially. I was sitting there between both the girls, looking at them, listening to their hearts, and thinking, my, oh my, they are grown human beings, beautiful souls I admire deeply, and people that I love with all of my heart. I am so incredibly proud of who my kids are, their authenticity, their constant willingness to choose vulnerability each time, their kindness, and especially the immense love they have for each other, biggest gift I could ever have in my mom life.
Life might not be perfect, it never is, but itās pretty awesome to step away from the busyness and chaos of each day to take in the beauty of family time. Sometimes, we do need a distraction away from home to be more present with each other -as strange as that sounds- four of us, without having to worry about the next load of laundry, or bills and paperwork, homework, studying, cooking, etc, etc, etcā¦ four of us, simply having a good time and enjoying each otherās company.
Thank you Chicago weather on December 2nd for giving us those moments. Life is fleeting, and these days Iām all about seeking joy filled moments like the one we had yesterday. ā¤ļøš
PS, Iāll āreportā todayās events tonightā¦ this church lady has a busy and exciting day of work ahead and I canāt wait!
Well, maybe Iāll try this sharing of my āshareableā š daily journal again, after all, it does bring me some joy, and joy is just what I need in big amounts these days.
Today we welcome the first day of the month of December, one of my favorite months of the year, I LOVE everything December, and Christmas related. I love the holiday food, the get togethers, and the spiritual aspects of the season, the reason for the season. Working at a church during the Christmas season, is like having buying a new book and wanting to highlight ALL the things you see, and love. I am a walking highlighter around this time of the year, taking it all in!!!
I did a little fun recording for a Christmas singalong program we have coming up, and that alone made me (literally!) jump up and down for joy!!! I love my job, I love the joy it brings me, and I absolutely LOVE the people I get to work and interact with on special projects like this one. SO much fun!!!
Today was a good day for me. I even got to hug two great friends, and talk to them a little. When you walk away from someone and you feel even just a happier, or more complete, thatās a friendship worth inventing in. Iām thankful for the kinds hearts I encountered today, and the smiles they put on my face.
I talked to my mom today āthriceā š, sheās such an amazing human being, Iām so blessed to call her mom.
Itās been a long day, but a very good day! I got a lot accomplished at work, I had some really good laughs, even a few healing tears with a good friend, a delicious burrito for lunch/dinner, some very yummy grapes, my girls had a happy day too, and now Iām sitting in the kitchen by myself enjoying a glass of Kombucha (not sure if thatās a good idea at nightā¦ we will see š), and reflecting on the day.
One step in front of the other, looking up, giving thanks, and feeling joy in every way I can along the way. ā¤ļø